Monthly Archives: August 2011

Owning It

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“Chimpanzees is hatin’ but I take it all in stride.” -Nicki Minaj, Till the World Ends (Remix)

 Bromos can be a hot mess. Believe it or not, humans: We are not ideal (even if we’re as close to idyllic as they come). That said, one thing that the bromo excels at is owning things.

We aren’t talking about having possession of something; we’re talking about taking responsibility. Everybody has flaws, and they like to hide them and disguise them. The bromo is the same way. But the bromo, often being the object of society’s scrutiny, might have a harder time than most due to the many eyes that are on them at any given moment. Take a picture; it’ll last longer.

That said, we bromos have discovered the perfect way to accommodate anyone who has anything negative to say: Own that shit!

H8r: OMG, you are so fat.
Bromo: That’s right. Now help a fat bitch out and get me some milk n’ cookies.

Play it up. If what the person says is true and you know it, take responsibility for it and set yourself free from personal purgatory. If you aren’t fooling anybody, stop trying to fool yourself.

Hell, even if what the person says isn’t true, it’s still a great way to get the burn on them in a stunning display of power play.

H8r: I f*cked your mom last night.
Bromo: I know; I left the door unlocked so you didn’t have to find the keys. Was it good?

The opposite of fault is not blame, it’s responsibility. The bromo carries himself in such a way that petty insults by non-bromos are irrelevent. Even other bromos can’t hold a candle to the bromo that takes a load without having to dish it back. (If that sentence meant anything other than what it sounded like, you’re a dirty sinner and we love you for it.)

We at Bromo Say What?! want to remind our readers that this site is primarily an exaggerated version of various gay male lifestyles in the hopes that we can somehow uplift teens and young adults’ spirits if they happen to be going through a rough time with regards to their sexualities. We know what it’s like to be repressed, afraid, apprehensive, and depressed because of what our friends and, more importantly, our families may think. We also know what it’s like to experience the joy that comes with acceptance and affirmation when you have the freedom to choose who you can surround yourself with. We know that it’s tough hearing “it gets better when you grow older.” That’s great, but what about now? You deserve to have a high quality of life no matter what your age is and what you identify as.

Other than that, there’s not much we can tell you in this read-by-everyone post. But we can say that here at Bromo Say What?!, you will always have a little home online with uplifting messages, satirical posts, and most of all, love. Not the hot and steamy stuff that we reserve for the bedroom, but the kind that will embrace you no matter what you look like, what you weigh, what you wear, what your ethnicity is, what your gender status is, who you love, who you vote for, and all that jazz.

In conclusion, we did not mean to get so randomly involved that way, but there you have it. We love you, we’re writing this for you, and we’re owning it. If you enjoy what you read, follow us on Facebook and Twitter and share us with your friends who need to hear what we have to say. Also, leave comments below! We enjoy love too!! We hope we’re putting smiles on your faces, so when you see your friends’ eyes light up, you’ll be glad you did. </mushy-stuff>.

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A Bromo Wizard

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We thought this was pretty funny–intertextually intertwining images from pop culture film and media. We found it on I’m Not Snow White But I’m Lost Inside This Forest and we don’t think we’re ever going to look back. Though the owner of the blog did write “This is Offensive” and we understand why, we believe that the bromo who can’t take a joke should reevaluate his life choices. Though, I believe the owner of that particular tumblr is a female ally. Lord knows bromos love them some allies!

Cliche Birds (Bromo Edition)

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So I totally found this one on Addicted. It makes me laugh because everyone knows they’re bound to fall for each other. The flaming pocket bromo on the left is so self-righteous and active in his community and disdains the straight-acting “bimo” in black.

He’s only pretending to be bi because it’s cool, thinks the little one. Their fates are intertwined and they will forever fly in the same flock. Awwwww.

The Head Bitches In Charge

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Why do bromos love movies like The Devil Wears Prada, or television shows like Ugly Betty? Well, it doesn’t have anything to do with the frumpy protagonists. And only a percentage of bromos have editorial/journalistic leanings (yours truly included). But bromos love them a good HBIC.

The Head Bitch In Charge is the diva of a woman who can silence anyone with a glance and who can castrate and effeminate men without even having to say a word. She doesn’t move with grace, she is fucking grace. She doesn’t flip her hair, her hair flips its fucking self! Bromos love this because it gives them something to identify with that’s sleeker in design than the bulky build of the average straight male and, frankly, more intelligent. There are two varieties I am going to tackle today.

Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly



Miranda Priestley
You don’t get any badder than Miranda. The antagonist in The Devil Wears Prada, the mere mention of her name has bromos and everybody else too afraid to get on the elevator with her. And not only was she portrayed by Meryl Streep, Maryl Streep portrayed her.

She’s the kind of woman who hasn’t done her job if thirteen people don’t want to commit suicide by six A.M. And the best part is that she doesn’t wake up until seven! She is emotionally abusive and psychologically torturous. Even when she whispers, there’s power in it.

Bromos love Miranda because she’s a classic beauty. At age (something-or-other-older-than-fifty), she rocks her undyed naturally-white hair. She only wears designer clothes and she has cat eyes without the makeup. And let’s not get to the wit.

Bromos adore Miranda’s one liners. They don’t just adore them, they revere and copy them. If you didn’t watch that movie and say “That’s all,” in a lazy drawl after telling somebody something, you’re a dirty liar and you’re going to hell for it. Also, you can tell a bromo is lying about mimicing Miranda when they look you up and down, barely give you a scoff (in a way that says you aren’t deserving of the air they exhale) and turn away. Streep turned a normal bitchy thing to do into something that you could only do if you were touched by Heaven (or Hell, as it were).

Vanessa Williams as Wilhelmina Slater

Wilhelmina Slater
While it did not have the same audience size of The Devil Wears Prada, Ugly Betty gave us two amazing things: America Ferrera and Vanessa Williams as Wilhelmina Slater. We love us some America, but you are not a HBIC, honey. We’re gonna have to ask you to sit down.

Now Wilhelmina—OH! She is the HBIC if only because she’s conceited and she owns it. Like Miranda, she abuses her subordinates. To take it one step further, she downright humiliates them:

That said, fashionista bromos in particular love her. It might have something to do with their love for seeing the unfashionable suffer. They love how she’ll punish reduce a straight man to tears in moments, something that they aren’t necessarily able to do with one line without resorting to tedious blackmail (we love it!). And if Miranda had wit, Wilhelmina takes that to the extreme with her venom. The term “bad bitch” has been thrown around popular media lately. If anyone’s a bad bitch, it’s her. And she’s had four seasons with roughly 20 episodes each to own it. Wilhelmina has not once failed to deliver jaw-dropping schemes and one-liners to her loving audience. She is a Spartan in the truest sense of the word! [SPOILER ALERT] She even fucked Betty White over!! [/SPOILER]

I dare not ask, but who do you think trumps the other in the battle of the fashionista divas? Both actresses are amazing and both characters are devils in their own right. Both have the reputation of being bitches because our male-dominated society is not used to having women who succeed and straight up shit on them. But if you give them crowns and titles, they’ll gladly accept it. I mean, it’s more than you have, right?

*Bromomo is a total feminist.

Ken: Out & Proud

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Ken depicted in a post by Reckless Shit on Tumblr. Certainly one type of bromo. But let’s be real: We all knew Ken was gay from the jump. But he’s a real diva; bitch ain’t even woke up ’til 11-something and he still werkin’ that makeup bag with the celly on his lap. Get it!

We here at Bromo Say What?! are accepting of all bromos and their respective decisions to rock whatever they want to wear, but we absolutely cringe at that little flower on the slip. We. Cringe. But you totally make up for it with that Pinot Grigio in the ice bucket in the back! And the Pinot is what we’re going to focus on, not the environmentally-unfriendly bottled water behind you.  Again, Ken: Werk!

Had To Be There

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Craig: (To James) No, seriously, it was hilarious!
Adam: What was?
Craig: Sorry, Craig—H2BT.
Adam: (SMACKS) You bitches do not EXIST if I’m not there!

This is a post-H2BTSD (Had To Be There Stress Disorder) in which Adam suffers trauma and stress because Craig just pulled a H2BT.

H2BT is like symbolic glue. During a markedly moving event, it bonds those in attendance of the event together. Johnny was drunk and lied to his boyfriend and got caught and there was a yelling match? Well nobody’s going to understand why two weeks later, it’s funny to say something in a screechy voice and everyone but one person is laughing. And the moment you begin to explain, it loses the aura of exclusivity and the glue starts to unstick like some rachet chick’s acryllic. Then it’s not funny and nobody ever, ever brings it up again.

And now you’re a fun-time genocider. Good job, Hitler. Got any other joy you want to destroy?

A good Story Time can be used to add somebody to the moment post-occurrence, but don’t expect to be as in the loop as the people there. That is a privilege that you denied yourself with your absenteeism. Just sayin’.

Anyway, the H2BT Moment is a magical stretch of time. You and your bromos will forever be referencing the moment until the next one. But if the next one doesn’t come, the H2BT can get old…

Have you ever tried to get a chuckle out of some peeps by referencing something that happened eighty years ago? Some H2BTs are timeless, but most others get stale after a spell. Yes! We get it! Patricia wore some ugly fucking shoes to eight grade prom! Will you get over that shit already? She’s prettier than you!

In short, the H2BT moment can be used for a plethora of social bonding activities, including commemorating your time watching the HBIC, writing a Facebook Post that you want everybody to see but not get, and memorializing a comrade in arms who died and moved to Canada (JK Canada!! We love you Toronto and Montreal!!).

Story Time

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Bromos are smarter than the average human being, but since there are so few of us, we can’t possibly have all the relevant information in the world. That’s why we network and gossip: AKA, Story Time.

A bromo will literally sit in the presence of an individual that he absolutely cannot stand for excessive amounts of time just to know what the T is. But that’s just regular gossip. Story Time is deeper and more primal than that. Story Time means that you and your bromos will schedule a lunch, a spa day, a gym day or even drop whatever you are doing at that moment to just talk. A typical Story Time text looks like this:

 Adam: Gurl! We need a Story Time!
Chris: I’m in the middle of an intervention with my friend Felix! I might never drink again after hearing his story!
Adam: Craig just broke up with George and G isn’t taking it too hot! … Plus, I have Chocovine!!
Chris: OMG, OMW! God will heal Felix in ways I can’t and I’ll learn from his mistakes! TTFN!

Yes. Bromos love exclamation marks. But moreover, ST is a time to learn how your bromos are changing and evolving. You can discover that Shawn is actually starting to lean toward moderate politics, and that Joey finds a moderate leaning anywhere hilarious since he’s all newly political and whatnot. This is where the inside jokes are formed, and the Had To Be There Moments. And NOBODY wants to miss a Had To Be There Moment.

Missing one means that every time a certain phrase is uttered, laughter and hilarity will ensue and you will have no part in it. Then you’ll be left having to laugh gently so that your bromos don’t pick up on the fact that you weren’t there and they know it as you try to keep up appearances of cohesion for the rest of the onlooking world. Because you know the world is totally watching your every move. And you do not want to look like chickenshit in the off-chance that the HBIC happens to glance your way.

And a bromo is nothing without his gurls. Lezzy or straight, gurls are also invited to story times, though they more often than not call their own since the bromo translates into gay BFFs in the language of the betch (there’s a surprising amount of overlap). Story time with the gurls freshens up our testosterone tolerance by depleting the amount of male we are constantly surrounded by so we don’t straight up get sick of them.

So the next time you hear there’s going to be a Story Time, be prepared to drop EVERYTHING. Your bromos need you, and if you’re a true bestie, you’ll be there. No pressure, though. Just prepare to be left out of the laugh circle.