Story Time


Bromos are smarter than the average human being, but since there are so few of us, we can’t possibly have all the relevant information in the world. That’s why we network and gossip: AKA, Story Time.

A bromo will literally sit in the presence of an individual that he absolutely cannot stand for excessive amounts of time just to know what the T is. But that’s just regular gossip. Story Time is deeper and more primal than that. Story Time means that you and your bromos will schedule a lunch, a spa day, a gym day or even drop whatever you are doing at that moment to just talk. A typical Story Time text looks like this:

 Adam: Gurl! We need a Story Time!
Chris: I’m in the middle of an intervention with my friend Felix! I might never drink again after hearing his story!
Adam: Craig just broke up with George and G isn’t taking it too hot! … Plus, I have Chocovine!!
Chris: OMG, OMW! God will heal Felix in ways I can’t and I’ll learn from his mistakes! TTFN!

Yes. Bromos love exclamation marks. But moreover, ST is a time to learn how your bromos are changing and evolving. You can discover that Shawn is actually starting to lean toward moderate politics, and that Joey finds a moderate leaning anywhere hilarious since he’s all newly political and whatnot. This is where the inside jokes are formed, and the Had To Be There Moments. And NOBODY wants to miss a Had To Be There Moment.

Missing one means that every time a certain phrase is uttered, laughter and hilarity will ensue and you will have no part in it. Then you’ll be left having to laugh gently so that your bromos don’t pick up on the fact that you weren’t there and they know it as you try to keep up appearances of cohesion for the rest of the onlooking world. Because you know the world is totally watching your every move. And you do not want to look like chickenshit in the off-chance that the HBIC happens to glance your way.

And a bromo is nothing without his gurls. Lezzy or straight, gurls are also invited to story times, though they more often than not call their own since the bromo translates into gay BFFs in the language of the betch (there’s a surprising amount of overlap). Story time with the gurls freshens up our testosterone tolerance by depleting the amount of male we are constantly surrounded by so we don’t straight up get sick of them.

So the next time you hear there’s going to be a Story Time, be prepared to drop EVERYTHING. Your bromos need you, and if you’re a true bestie, you’ll be there. No pressure, though. Just prepare to be left out of the laugh circle.


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