The bromo is a minority rare breed. Even within the gay community, his confidence and sense of self put him in a place where he is in the winner’s circle. Naturally, bitches be jealous of his boogie. Moreover, if the bromo is naturally insecure and in a place where he is not free to be himself, he must be even more cunning to keep that ass in the clear.
That said, the bromo must have a few tricks up his sleeve—or the ability to leverage power in any situation. If the world were fair, the bromo would be like everyone else. But it’s not, and a bitch got to eat right? (But not too much; you wanna look good for Fashion Week next year!) The bromo, therefore, develops strategies for getting the edge on the competition. We’ll outline some of the various ways the bromo leverages power in every day situations.
Bromos have mastered the runaround. While we can be blunt, years of being in the closet and describing our pretend lovers as “they” has taught us to craft language into a suitable form of defensive weaponry.
Straightboy Tom: So John, you have anyone special?
John: Yeah, they’re in school abroad.
Straightboy Tom: Cool; she must be really smart.
Take note of how Tom assumes that they translates into she. He’s not dumb—he’s just a part of a heteronormative order which is so confident in its self-sustainability that it does not question itself or those who subscribe to it. Yes; just by virtue of being gay in our society, you must fight all that.
Also, our ability to code-switch, or change our manner of speech for our environment, gives us an added layer of meaning when we are around mixed company.
Bromo John: Gurl! Did you even know about Beyonce’s baby?!
Bromo Dylan: Honey! I thought she was getting a little fat!
Bromo John: Oh shit! Straightboy Tom is coming!
Bromo Dylan: Yeah, so I totally banged that girl—I mean bitch!
Bromo John: Yeah! Me too! It was so, uh, good!
Straightboy Tom: Awesome!
Bromo Dylan: Okay, gurl. He’s gone. So anyway, I hope little Beybey doesn’t look like Jay-Z.
And finally, our humor. Since we hate our sinful selves can laugh self-depreciatingly at ourselves, it’s not odd to hear two or more bromos trading insults. It’s like an oral workout with none of the cleanup. As bad and as brutal as we can be to each other, we can be worse toward you.
Basically, the bromo distorts what others think about him not by lying outright, but by allowing people to think what it is they really want to think. It’s a flattering service, really.
The False Idol
We can be Jezebel whores of Babylon at times, leading men to destruction. “Don’t put any idol before Me,” said God, in one of his Ten Commandments. Well bromos certainly tempt men by sitting like statuesque deities as they sit upright with arched backs and eyes that stare off purposefully into the distance. Take our word for it: You can see it at any of those stand-and-be-seen type bars. Bromos literally move as if they can be photographed at any minute and they will not be seen looking like a hot mess. But it’s really a power play: It scares away the meek men and only the bromos with confidence in their swag dare to approach. It also dares the trepid men to bromo-up and take the challenge.
The Test of Fire
A bromo won’t use this particular power strategy unless you are his worst enemy. It’s like being put beneath a magnifying glass with the sun being intensified on you and there’s nowhere to run. You and the bromo are at a party and you’re all standing, sipping your Pinot Grigio and as Tony tells a story nobody cares about in his mousy voice, the bromo interrupts: Josh! How are your herpes? And did your hemorrhoids clear up? Something private goes public. The only way to get past this is to own it and move on. Your only shot is to appeal for sympathy by painting the bromo as a bad guy. Just bite the bullet and cry.
Worse, however, is when the bromo says something indirect and meaningless: It’s OK, Josh. We all know about your little problem. We just want to help. This one is worse because it’s abstract, and the bromo uses his superior mental abilities to make the unaware regular people create their own little problem with Josh. And because they all want to help poor Josh, they all get whatever it is they think Josh needs. And because all the focus is on Josh, the bromo that started it all is seen as a saint for wanting to help Josh. That shit right there? That’s leverage.
So in the end, bromos and power play go hand in hand. The bitch within the bromo is strong. One must know the bromo to beat the bromo. Do not mistake the bromo for a weakling. If bars exist between a bromo and a non, it’s for the non’s protection. At any rate, with power plays, to win is to gain the bromo’s love and/or admiration. Or his eternal enmity.