Mornings

Standard

There are many things a bromo will a will not do. Example: A bromo will apply every fiber of his intelligence toward fighting against feline AIDs in third world tigers. A bromo will not, however, go down after the first date. These are just things that fall as they will. Another thing a bromo will not is morning.

Yes, you read that right. A bromo will not morning.

Morning (MOUR-neeng): n; The time of day when noctournal creatures (i.e.: bats, bromos) begin to sleep; v; The act of waking up, effectively fucking up a good dream, and resolving to start the day at an hour earlier than noon.

Mornings were created by heterosexual patriarchy in order to throw off the bromo’s natural sleep pattern. That’s why they’re against gay marriage! Gay marriage is going to restore order to the world! Yes; I will say anything if it lets me get a bit more shut eye… At any rate, there are ways to deal with morning, this homophobic tool of the oppressor.

Lady Rhiancé $pearry
All them chicks who sing and get paid for it need to work for their money. And that includes waking your tired ass the hell up! Set your alarm to a song that your butt must shake to upon initially hearing. Now, if you are something of a slut sexual progressive, that may be how you are used to falling asleep, but that is something you must fight. Maybe that horrible scream-o music if it works.

Class Expectations
Bromos are in a class of our own. We are expected to be the life of the party at night while simultaneously providing the gay backdrop for Anne Hathaway straight female protagonists in films (read: diversity) in big cities in the morning. We have the pleasure of drinking the day away while still having to close the big account come tomorrow, and it’s only Tuesday.

It’s a lot of stress, but if anybody can do late nights and then start morning-ing, it’s a bromo. We can haul a lot of ass when we need to, and we can also fulfill paradoxical expectations. Just remember that cant no other lady put it down like you, you’re Fergilicious! Lame.

Stimulate
Some bromos just can’t do it alone—and that’s OK. It’s never wrong to need help. Some need a stimulate like Jesus to take the wheel while others are more than content to take three shots of espresso. (Personally, I prefer a strong French Vanilla cappuccino whipped up with just enough foam at the top.) Most bromos probably do the coffee thing, statistically speaking, but a great morning waker upper is actually water.

Yes, H2O. We’re like mostly water anyway, and since like attracts like, wouldn’t it make sense that a cup of clean water would wake you right the heck up? This clear elixir will help you morning like a pro.

So whether or not mornings were created by heterosexual patriarchy will probably never be known. Perhaps the author of this particular post is insane. All that matters is you are able to morning and start your day on a good note without cutting some bitch who probably deserves it for waking you up early.

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