Category Archives: Uncategorized

Bromos Go Modern

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This blog has been a great pleasure to write and create, but this Bromo has officially put BSW on haitus until further notice in order to work on his new blog ModernMo.com, a blog about travel, culture, and philanthropy for youth. Check us out!! You can even check out our archives for fun bromo stuff 🙂

“Fat.” Yeah, I said it.

Owning It

More…

Ta-ta for now. Stay brilliant, stay bromo, Go Modern.

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Bromos and the Body

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So, people who know me know that I am a proud advocate for owning it, and for the fact that there are body types other than the Barbie and Ken. But a bromo has stumbled upon something that even he himself has found issue with (and no, it isn’t referring to myself in the third person as some kind of super-douche). I found that bromos, even in striving to respect people regardless and/or because of their difference (it doesn’t matter which, just as long as respect is given), sometimes cannot escape certain self-defeating behaviors when it comes to the body.

Everybody and every body is beautiful, but bromos sometimes have a hard time figuring this concept. As far as I can count them, there are about four different realms that have an effect on the bromo’s body—it’s like earth having four moons orbiting it, each one’s gravitational force working to pull it this way or that. Thing is, there are never all four in one direction, so there is always a fundamental conflict. Didn’t know I could talk that theoretical lingo, nah?

Davo

The Guardian's article "Thin is in: in search of the perfect male body" is a great article to see concerning the topic of male body image. Click the image to be taken there directly.

Anyway, the bromo has to contend with these four moons, right? They’re Society’s Projection of the Male (which is invariably a heterosexual projection ), Straight Male’s Projection of the Male Body (because straight males have more power in society, they get to call the shots of what the body should look like), Society’s Projection of the Gay Body (any number of contradictory stereotypes that confine the bromo to look like an feminized man or body builder), and Gay Culture’s Body Preference (in which you get many of the various body types from twink/musclehead/bear/etc.).

So you’ve got these four moons pulling, pulling, pulling on the body, and you just don’t know what to do or where to go. As bromos, we are put into very difficult positions, because, unless we are strong enough to not give a fuck hoot about what society thinks, we tend to go around trying to please everyone. And how in the world are you supposed to look buff for a party in the Hamptons this weekend while simultaneously trying to convince your boyfriend’s mom that you are a sweet and delicate piece of pie. Shit don’t work, do it?

That said, this is an individual journey, but it doesn’t have to be walked alone: Support a bromo with an eating disorder; help him discover candied yams and what it’s like to have a hug when the other person is not afraid to rip him in two. Tell a bromo who’s constantly at the gym and taking questionable powders and pills that he can be healthy without the overkill. I mean, fuck the bullshit: Many people aren’t morphing their bodies for themselves; the pain they feel as they deny themselves food or overextend themselves during workout tends to lead to the feeling that they are earning the perfect body—the currency that will make it easier to get where they want.

Personally, I was never medically anorexic, but I did know that by staying skinny (which sometimes meant eating less and doing more cardio), I would attract a certain type of man, get certain types of compliments, and be able to fit into certain kinds of clothes—all of these ‘privileges’ which could be purchased from society if you had the right medium of exchange.

The body is the first thing we see when we meet another person. One would argue that a body is required to meet another person—even online, unless they have a profile pic that is totally sketch, we feel more at ease when we can identify a person by their physical traits and make assumptions based on them.

All that said, this bromo does NOT know how to start this post. If this were a term paper, I would be screwed! Tell me, what is your idea concerning the bromo body?

Bromo Indifference (Not Giving a Fuc–hoot!!)

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Bromos love to look like we don’t give a fuck hoot. 50% of the time, it’s because we don’t, and 50% of the time because we want you to think we don’t. If we had a fuck hoot, we wouldn’t give it to you. In fact, if you have a fuck hoot, you didn’t get it from a bromo, because a bromo simply doesn’t give a fuck hoot. In this beautifully done video of Claudio Maddox Lake describing the fucks hoots he doesn’t give, the essence of bromo indifference in the social scene (if we aren’t volunteering) is brought into the highest regard.

Have a problem with the way I walk? I don’t give a fuck hoot. Don’t like what I have to say? A fuck hoot is not something I give to you. Got milk? Well it’s good you have something, because you don’t got a fuck hoot from me.

Bromos tend to be indifferent as a side effect of the silent war with the society we live in. We want to be full citizens of our nations, but we can’t get married or adopt children. We want to be patriotic, but the “most patriotic” of our countrymen love telling us how “God H8s Fags.” It’s this mild schizophrenia of trying to be ‘respectable’ the way we were raised to be without turning traitor to the “ideals of gayness”—whatever those are. (Do not misread respectable as respectful; respectable is relative and pressed from the outside, whereas respectfulness is inner-driven.)

indifferenceYou can tell when a bromo is behind a wall of indifference because if you’ve seen one bored phoning, this is ten times worse. At least with bored phoning, we look like we’re doing something worthwhile. With outright indifference, we could be staring you right in your face and not giving a fuck hoot like we’re getting paid for every second we don’t blink.

But it isn’t all bad, because you can either scale the unemotional barb-wired wall and be that special one, or you can shatter the only thing that allows the bromo to keep from crying at every provocation wall and risk having your face shattered (or receiving grudging and undying love and respect for being brave). At any rate, indifference isn’t absolute, but cocktails can contain Absolut.

And in honor of every bromo that could not give any less of a fuck hoot:

The Pack of Gays

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While the gay is a great solitary hunter like the leopard, there is also the pack of gays. You can see them at the club, the bar, the highschool or college hallway, or at your local mall. While the gay man alone is fierce, the gay pack, for better or for worse, is a force to be reckoned with. The difference between a pack of gays and a group of bromos is that one is lethal and will cut your red whereas the other is a group of gay guys who bond together in a meaningful friendship with mutually beneficial feeling for all. The pack of gays can be dangerous if you dont know who you are dealing with. They’re not evil, but they tend to fall into Mean Girls-esq tropes.

Head Bitch In Charge
First off, you’ve got the HBIC. This is the leader and, when necessary, the dictator. He’s the one who has the most sway in deciding what’s cool, where you’re going out tonight, and if your outfit is going to clash with what the rest of the group is wearing. And he did not become the HBIC by accident. He either found the individual bromos and pulled them together, or, more typically, clawed his way through a bloody coup d’etat and is currently sitting on a throne made of the former HBIC’s bones. (In betch terms, the “UGH.”)

At his best, the HBIC listens to you during Story Times and understands your needs. He then tries to help you with your issues with his own power, or he’ll find some resource for you. At worst, you’ll be dictated to by some prima donna with a god complex and it will continue unless you stand up for yourself, because, I mean why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that’s not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR! that’s the circle of life. Or he’ll make sure you aren’t a part of H2BT moments.

Second-in-Command
This is the one who usually walks around with the HBIC more or less on his level. Since the HBIC is usually sort of outwardly mighty, demonstrating power in what he can do and say, the SIC tends to be just as powerful (if not more) while remaining reserved. He’s the cool one who may seem mute or distanced as the HBIC goes on displaying his power.

The SIC may be a total bitch who is more aggressive than the HBIC but is under the thumb of the HBIC for some reason or another, or a total sweetie who got mixed up in the pack early on and knew how to ride the waves and keep up. The SIC can be an irreplaceable ally or the devil incarnate, the likes of which can never be replicated by the HBIC or Satan.

And if you, for whatever reason, are trying to get into a pack of gays and you don’t want to do an entry level job, you can wait for some power struggle between the HBIC and the SIC. Then ally yourself with the SIC if and only if you are certain his and your power combined can bring the Bitch down, because it would SUCK to be a would-be usurper who got beat by the Crown when he was alone and you were allied. Worse still: You and the SIC win against the HBIC and then the SIC turns traitor and leaves you out to dry with the HBIC still bitter/prowling around and poor little you without protection. And if you thought it couldn’t get any more fucked up, imagine if the SIC becomes the HBIC, turns against you, and allows the former HBIC to become the SIC.

Fuck with a pack and get fucked. Hard.

The Auxiliaries
The auxiliary gays are by far the most stable. Usually coming in twos (a standard pack is 4-5), they comply with whatever power is in charge at the moment and are great at filling in spots to make a pack look complete. They are like group historians, keeping the history of the group alive, adding fabulousness and generally closing in the gaps. In families, they’re probably most akin to the two gossipy aunts who provide comic relief with their witty and sarcastic observations of everybody’s business.

Gentle though they may be, they are by no means powerless. The difference between gentleness and powerlessness is that he who is gentle chooses not to exercise power, whereas the latter cannot. In fact, the auxiliaries are usually bored looking and totally over whatever is going on between the Powers That Be. That said, if the pack has not had any external conflicts, they might start gossiping and instigating something within the pack. Beware of the quiet ones. When the HBIC and SIC of a pack wear themselves out and have to move away or something due to public humiliation mysterious circumstances, the two auxiliaries usually take over and fill the vacuum, showing all along what power they had the entire time.

You might have noticed that I never once mentioned bromos in this equation. All bromos are gay (unless honorary), but not all gays are bromos. Bromos tend to have more respect, and although they enjoy hierarchy and status, they are not excessively cruel. Besides, this post is merely a satire of gay group dynamics. Most bromos are familiar enough with these dynamics to mimic them in their play without meaning it.

All that said, for the sake of karma, don’t be too mean. If you want to find out how mean you are, consult Our Bible Mean Girls and ask yourself whether or not you would push the HBIC in front of a moving bus if she didn’t stand in front of it herself.

End of Summer “Sweat it Out” Playlist

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Bromo Say What?! Late Summer Playlist

We know you bitches love a good dance party, and whether you’re going to sleep in uncomfortable chairs back to school or werking for the money, you have to let loose at some point! Here’s a playlist we composed to keep the energy up at various times during the party with allotted times for chillness and nostalgia for bromos of a certain age (i.e.: 26).

      1. I Gotta Feeling – Black Eyed Peas
      2. On the Floor – Jennifer Lopez (feat. Pitbull)
      3. Tonight I’m Loving You – What’s His Name
      4. La Negra Tiene Tumbao – Celia Cruz
      5. Who Run the World (Girls) – Beyonce
      6. Edge of Glory – Lady Gaga
      7. Back to Black – Amy Winehouse
      8. Rollin’ in the Deep – Adele
      9. Before He Cheats – Carrie Underwood
      10. Glamorous – Fergie
      11. I’m Cool Like That – Digable Planets
      12. I Love College – Asher Roth
      13. Wanabe – The Spice Girls
      14. Party All the Time – Black Eyed Peas
      15. Moves Like Jagger – Maroon 5
      16. Calabria – Enur
      17. Only Girl (in the World) – Rihanna
      18. Ride It – Geri Halliwell
      19. Paparazzi – Lady Gaga
      20. Superbass – Nicki Minaj
      21. Calabria (Raggaeton Remix) – Enur
      22. Down on Me – Jeremih (ft. 50 Cent)
      23. Blazin’ – Nicki Minaj (ft. Kanye West)
      24. Candy Shop – 50 Cent
      25. E.T. – Katy Perry
      26. Rumour Has It – Adele
      27. Shake it to the Ground – Rye Rye
      28. My Dogg – Natasja
      29. Party Rock Anthem – LMFAO
      30. Wind it up – Gwen Stefani
      31. Marina Gasolina – Bonde do Role
      32. Bulletproof – Leroux

This is a playlist for bromos that hits the oldies, the newies, and the in-betweensies of popular music. We’ve found that it works for us on sweaty nights, with enough chill-but-not-too-chill time to keep our gay cock…tails down. 

Volunteering

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Bromos love to volunteer. A good mission trip, the occasional community organizing, anything with a walk—the bromo is a creature who thrives off of doing stuff for free.

And it’s OK—the love and admiration is enough payment (translation: we’ll be calling on your support for the next AIDS walk.)

The urge to volunteer and organize stems from goodness knows where, but every person reading this knows at least one bromo who’s always inviting them to stuff on Facebook. And if it’s a non-private party, you can bet the tagline will read: “All/most proceeds go to <insert cause/charity here>.”

Bromos are community-oriented. We bond over story times and H2BT moments. And if we aren’t out bar-hopping, we’re finding stuff to get angry and subsequently active about. The biggest bromos do volunteer work: GLSEN and HRC anybody? Well, they’re probably getting paid if it’s big time, but it’s still work for our communities. Big wig bromos and smalltime bromos alike do volunteer work.

Eco-Bromos reduce our carbon footprint; Marxist-Bromos tote around the Communist Manifesto preaching class equality; Health-Bromos keep your ass clear of STDS; and Bartender-Bromos help every other kind of bromo get through the week. Even Fashionista-Bromos volunteer in their own way: Those quips about your hideously-cut mohawk aren’t only for their entertainment. In their own roundabout way, they are doing community service by even being around you without a Prada-made HAZMAT suit.

If you aren’t on the cause-train by now, here are some causes and organizations that you might enjoy.

      1. AIDS Research
      2. LGBT Rights
      3. Human Rights
      4. Animal Rights
      5. Anti-War Activism
      6. Preserving the Arts
      7. Preserving Cultural Sites

Get with the times, bromo! If you didn’t know, you’ve got no excuse to not start volunteering to make your community a better place to live in. You can complain that you aren’t getting paid, but if everyone did that, well, you can kiss equal rights in your state goodbye. Oh, yes: We went there. If you want to volunteer in another way, you can like our Facebook Page and follow us on Twitter!!

Bromo Say What?! Presents: Cocktails for the Collegiate

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 The bromo works hard and parties harder. And while this may be the case, he does so with style. Provided you are over 21, we at Bromo Say What?! would like to say that we know you are going hard at school, so we want to reward your hard work with hard liquor. Enjoy these while in the presence of good company, because nothing ruins the best drink like a Danny Downer! (Please drink responsibly and follow the laws concerning alcohol in your country/state/province/territory.)

Long Island Ice Tea
A personal favorite of all of us here at Bromo Say What?!, the LIIT (which will get you lit) should be sipped from a tall glass (it’s OK if it isn’t). We aren’t one for too many warnings, but you may want to drink water between rounds of these bad boys.
1 oz gin
1 oz light rum
1 oz white tequila
1 oz Triple Sec
1 oz vodka
2 oz sour mix
1 slice lemon
Cola
Pour ingredients into a cocktail shaker with a few ice cubes, fill with cola and shake. Pour mix into a tall glass. Garnish with a  lemon slice. Now you’re a baller.

Pineapple Rum Punch
Something that one of us is going to try for the first time this Friday, the Pineapple Rum Punch may be the best thing that ever happened, we imagine.
5 cups white rum
4 oz lime juice
6 cups pineapple juice
16 oz sugar syrup
Combine in a punch bowl. Add ice and stir. Yum yum time.

Fuzzy Navel
This is for the bromo that likes to live it up in luxury. We mostly enjoy drinking this with the gurls on Sunday afternoons in the sun before getting down to some last-minute homework. One of us often uses it as a drink kept in his water bottle so that he can go to all the campus parties without having to drink cheap beer and ridiculous concoctions laced with Date Rape drugs.
1 ½ oz Peach Schnapps
6 oz orange juice
Add peach schnapps, orange juice and ice into a glass. Stir, and voila. Instant gratisfaction.

We hope you enjoy these as much as we do! We really think that house parties are coming back! Stay tuned for more recipes, including some of our own creation! Also, if you really want it, we’ll give tips on how to throw a house engagement befitting a bromo of your stature!