Tag Archives: brotrio

Of Bromos and Boyfriends

Standard

Bromos love boyfriends. When our amazing summer shorts go out of season, a boyfriend becomes the hottest accessory around. It’s great to have something someone hanging on your arm that isn’t a Fendi or a man-bag. And unlike your pet auxiliary, this one can talk.

We’re totally overdoing it on the dehumanization of the boyfriend, but bromos tend to be more about friendship and community—a real Aquarian concept, we think. But romance exists, and prickly thought it might be, it would be great to address it, right? Well here are some of the great things about boyfriends. And don’t worry, we’ll be posting the negs afterward!

Pros
They can teach you about yourself
You probably didn’t know you hated sleeping in the same bed with someone if you aren’t having sex until your boyfriend moved in. You also probably didn’t know that you enjoyed rock music, because you didn’t have someone to sit down and listen to it with you and not let you switch the station. Boyfriends tend to have a magical effect on the bromo; we’ll give disgusting deep-fried squid kalamari a chance if the boy we’re in like/love with suggested it. He might even open your eyes to international travel, or politics, or silly cartoons, and you’ll discover these things that might have otherwise gone unnoticed.

If you are loving, trusting and careful, you might also find techniques in lovemaking that make you the happiest camper you could possibly ever be.

Risk of STD is significantly reduced
One of the great things about a boyfriend is that when you hit the sack, it is likely that you both have had a few story times and you know each other’s relationship and sexual history and health status. That said, your risk of being infected is greatly reduced. Also, if either of you is positive, you can skip the point where either of you has to reveal your status (right before thebow-chika-wow-wow) and go right into using protection (which, we argue, you should be using anyway). Also, you know what he likes and what you like, so you’re pretty much probably going to have a great time.

Loneliness Averted
Sometimes—and I know you’ve felt it too—you have a king-sized bed and nobody to share it with. You lack the warmth that comes from a person’s body and you don’t have a cute little puppy to snuggle up with. Your breath shortens and you wonder why you feel so cold in your heart and if you’re doing something wrong… But then you turn the other way and your boyfriend is there. He’s your Prince Charming, bringing warmth to animate your frozen self; he’s your Harry Potter, shooing away the dementors with his eleven inch holly wand and manly stag Protronous; he’s your boyfriend, and you won’t sleep in the cold tonight.

Don’t judge us because we’re bitter and single. Judge us because we’re judging your relationship behind our smiles and averted glances. I would say just kidding, but… ;P

Cons
Baggage

Those boys can come with more baggage than a Louis Vuitton knockoff retailer when the sweatshop went into overproduction mode! They be all slaggy and mopey about their last relationships, never having dealt with them and bringing all of their problems to you, as if you’re Jay-Z. I mean, you may have 99 problems, but why does HE have to be one? Am I right, or am I right?

He already has those bags, so he had better have that something special, that super bass (what does that even MEAN, Nicki Minaj?!) so you can help him unpack, or you can send his ass right back onto Delta: Fendi, Louis, Prada and all. I prefer my men with a decently-sized duffel, anyway.

Jealousy
Now there is no need for this one. If the dude can’t stand that you are making more money, getting ahead in a way that he isn’t, or has a special skill that he doesn’t and he can’t support you: You don’t need that. I’m usually all about giving people a chance until they step beyond the line (and then some), but this sort of attitude is poisonous. If you are with someone and he cannot support you and help you get better as you help him, then he is a dud. What’s worse is when he begins to resent you and sabotages you, or belittles you to make himself feel better.

That is an absolute no-no. Now, we don’t mean that he’s in a funk and you should dump him immediately because he’s pissy. We’re talking about the sort of state that lasts for long periods of time and it affects you negatively. If you go from being an outgoing, offbeat cutie to a solemn, second-guessing random, you best believe your brotrio will be there to help you pull a Lily Allen on that mofo!

 

 

 

 

Cheating
LMAO! I wish a motherfucker would!

So, while this is probably the perfect Valentine’s post in the start of autumn, we would just like to end on a light note. Boyfriends can be gravy (especially when he’s pouring gravy over you and… um, right), but they can also be bittersweet. And if they can get crazy, you have got to be ready to get the burn on a mofo; get that Nicki out of your system on him!

Advertisements

The Bromo Trio

Standard

Read here for foundational knowledge: The Gay Pack

The Bromo Trio draws from the strongest shape in the world: The triangle. Every part is dedicated to the support of the other two. It’s no wonder that Bromo Trios are so popular these days!

The Bromo Trio is a little different from the pack. Whereas the Gay Pack is all about power, hierarchy and how to maintain it, the Bromo Trio is about support and making sure that each of its members is well-taken care of. Think about those three magic bitches from that one show that I never got into watching where they were all pretty useless without each other needed each other. Another thing that separates the Trio from the Pack is the fluidity of duties and roles. According to the situation or time of day, someone might take charge of group’s activities while another schedules and the other plays PR for why the Fabulous Few can’t make it to your bash this weekend. Here’s the basic breakdown of the Bro-trio.

The Spunky One [The Ditzy One]
Not similar to the HBIC in a Pack, the Spunky One might find himself making most of the trio’s decisions because he tends to throw caution to the wind when he does anything and the other two find themselves tagging along to avoid being caught in the whirlwind that Mister Spunk leaves behind. He’s not bossy, just persistent.

Tom: OMG! Let’s go to Chaparral tonight! They don’t have cover charge and it’s Reggaeton Night!
Seth: Tom-Tom; it’s Chaparral—it’s Reggaeton Night, like, EVERY night.
Tom: It’s not Raggaeton Night when it’s Ballroom Night, now is it? Come on! Let’s go! If we can go I promise I’ll just dance and I won’t meet anybody!
Ash: He’s lying, but let’s just go anyway. It’ll make a great Story Time later.

The Spunky One finds himself in the leader’s position because, quite frankly, he’s got the most random ideas and the others can’t resist having a little bit of fun getting a taste of the fantastic. He’s not the best at planning out the day for the utmost efficiency, but he will damn sure give you a great reputation for perkiness and an upbeat attitude if you let him play PR manager. Side not: The Spunky One should be accounted for at all times, lest he go home with some rand-o.

The Cool One [The Aloof One]
There’s usually one that won’t talk much. Now this might be a permanent position for one or it might be situational, but there’s one that will be rather aloof when the other two are talking about something. He doesn’t feel left out (unless it’s habitual, in which case it becomes neglect and ya’ll need to work that shit out) but he keeps his silence and figures out interesting quarks about the other two. He’s pretty logical and collected generally and won’t put up much resistance to whatever plans the other two are advocating loudly for. By the same token, he will expect to have enough leeway to make a choice that benefits him in return without a peep of opposition from the other two. Allow him this indulgence; it’s only fair.

As there are three people, it is assumed that there would be a case where two have a common interest and the third doesn’t share that, but the third has common interests with each of them that they do not share with the other. And that’s just how it is. The Cool One is usually the first to own up to something and dare you to challenge him..

When the Cool One is in the leader’s chair, you might find that there’s no need for someone to schedule/plan the events because he’s level-headed enough to do it himself (as opposed to the Spunky One, who definitely needs someone to organize stuff). As PR manager, he’ll give your Trio an aura of exclusivity, making everyone want to be with you or be you. And he works the room by making everybody walk to him rather than the other way around. The Cool One is a BOSS.

Though you might want to beware with this one. While he is very competent and capable, he is prone to not doing shit thanks to his inherent “whatever factor.” I swear I was going to get the tickets for cheap tonight… but then I was just like… whatever… An example (from Avatar Wikia): Mai was next seen where she had apparently been ordered to guard the Earth King’s pet bear, Bosco, but did not care enough about her assignment to attempt to stop Sokka, Toph, and the Earth King from retrieving the pet. She was so bored and restless from her duty that she let Toph, Sokka and The Earth King escape with the bear, stating, “Just take the bear” (read: “Do I look like somebody who gives a fuck hoot?”)


The Focused One [The Bitchy One/ The Normal One]
There’s always that one that is going to come off as a bitch or (not to normalize the bitch) the ‘normal’ one. Even if he isn’t a bitch, if the other two are sweet and cuddly, the Focused One becomes the de facto bitch. By the same token, however, he is also likely to be considered the least extreme between Mister Spunky and Mister Cool because he’d probably play it straight and be the heart that connects the heady Aloof and the hands-on Ditz.

The way the Focused One is defined is pretty situational with every Trio, as he is usually the difference between the Spunky One and the Cool One. He’s the most versatile as he has to keep up with them both at their different paces.

He’s great as a leader because he has both extremes on either hand to weigh the pros and cons of every idea and decision. And even if the Spunky One winds up making the most decisions, the Focused One usually has the foresight and leadership to make every entrance noticeable and every exit memorable. As the scheduler, he’s still probably going to be second behind the Cool One, but he can sustain interest in doing tasks whereas the Cool One has to deal with the “whatever factor” (the Cool One is most apt to disdaining most everything that can be disdained).

As the PR manager, he can get people to pay attention that otherwise wouldn’t. The Spunky One can easily channel the energy of everyone who is easily excitable, but can turn off those who are pretty chill. The Cool One can rub shoulders with other shoulder shruggers, but be seen as too uninteresting for the Ooh Shiny crowd. The Focused One can draw interest from the margins of both crowds and more than likely people who wouldn’t be swayed by anyone.

The Bromo trio is one part simple, one part solid, and one part sexy and it’s spread equally among each of the members. It isn’t rare to find that within the Trio, two might be tighter and the third either has a boyfriend on the side or is part of another group.  That’s just how the fortune cookie crumbles.

And if you’re wondering why this posts’ pics have been centered around Avatar: The Last Airbender, well bromos love it, so therefore, so do I The Legend of Korra is coming out soon and I’m totally stoked! My Trio and I will be in attendance of the premiering episode in November 2011! Totes can’t wait!

And don’t forget to ADD US ON FACEBOOK for more updates! Special guest writer soon! 🙂