Tag Archives: Divas

Bromo Say Psychic?!

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The best part about being a bromo is probably the psychic abilities. While the occasional ability to pass for straight shapshift or vent angrily breath fire does pop up frequently, it’s the psychic arsenal that finds itself the most prized power play. Among our psychic powers is mind reading, mind-to-mind communication, mental command, time manipulation, seduction, confusion, and the like. I mean, it’s not like we’re not scanning your whole history while we pretend to be on the phone with our besties.

Mind Reading
We know what you’re thinking before you acknowledge it, and while that dumb look crosses your face as you consider what it would be like to have your nasty way with us. The bromo doesn’t even have to try with some people, they just shout their thoughts outloud as if their brains had a little megaphone. When you think we’re just standing around all model-esq as a form of power play, in actuality, we are focusing all of our attention on diving into the depths of your past, figuring out what makes you tick, and then judging the best way to approach you—if you past our first tests.

By the same token, we’re also doing a risk analysis: Does the fact that you don’t make up your bed in the morning an indication that you are sloppy, or too ambitious to pay attention to the small things? And because mind reading won’t get us everywhere necessarily, we have to use our other psychic abilities.

Mind-to-Mind Communication
Everybody talks to themselves in their minds. It’s how we run over thoughts or choose courses of action. When the bromo engages in mind-to-mind, it’s for one of two things: low-down gossip, or sly infiltration. Basically, it’s a story time without having to go anywhere. Using this form of communication, bromos share answers during tests that are ridiculously unfair difficult, discuss the proper ass-to-waist ratio while sitting in the pews at the silent church, or cutting down some rude bitch who happens to have more authority than both bromos combined. It’s not necessary, but the natural inclination for the bromo is to make eye contact that the outsider knows is meaningful, but can’t decipher. Another bromo might be able to hack into the wavelength, but woe betide the poor non who lights aflame the ire of a bromo scorned in the presence of others.

As far as usage for infiltration, the bromo gets all up in your head. He’s the voice pretending to be yours when you aren’t sure if you should get yogurt or ice cream. You know for certain that you wanted ice ceram in the beginning, but the little insistence that you get yogurt that eats away at you until you’re in front of the fro-yo place is deafening. And it doesn’t let up. The bromo also uses this power to stop you from making a move you’ll regret. He’s your best friend’s ex! Don’t do it! Like the little angel on your shoulder, the bromo’s got your back—especially when it comes to whose back you should have.

Mental Command
This is a power that the bromo should really cultivate more instead of focusing on the moral ethics of it. If you’ve ever seen a group of potential gay bashers suddenly get a sense of morality and back off, or a bartender give an extra shot of rum to a bromos cocktail when he hasn’t even flirted with him yet, you’ve witnessed this power in play. It’s often not used to its full potential because the evil Order of the Status Quo knows that same-sex relationships and transgender identity rights would gain full acceptance if they don’t continue to use the media to oppress us. They do everything in their power to keep our self-confidence minimal. Not ironically, it is self-confidence that is necessary to make this particular power work. Coincidence? How are you going to control someone if you can’t even control yourself? You must own yourself!

In recent years, as our confidence grows and our community, so does our ability to come together and affirm each other, allowing our abilities to flourish. Do you think all of those senators and governors agreed to support our rights on their own? Nope. Our on-the-go forceful acceptance therapy delightful persuasion had to strike the right chords. There are some who are seemingly impervious to our abilities, but as we grow, so will our mental command powers and our rights.

But on the less political side, we have been able to use this wonderful gift to make certain lawmakers act on their natural urges in order to create scandals nationwide. Since mental command can’t make someone do anything they would not naturally do, bromos claim a victory.

Time Manipulation
Cher wasn’t making things up when she sang If I could turn back time—she was yearning for the power that her bromo followers had. While we can’t actually turn back time (though the more powerful among us can), we can manipulate our mind into vibrating at a higher frequency so that we are essentially going 120 down an empty highway instead of staying on the same path as everyone else. With this ability, the bromo can eat lunch, read his favorite blog, do his homework, set up three back-to-back dates because he’s not at the commitment stage yet, call his mom to pick up his new Flamenco boots, and hook up with his friends for coffee all before time to go to the Lady Gaga concert and the Rihanna CD signing seemingly simultaneously.

The bromo can do all of this without the help of Adderall because he’s so used to having to multitask holding the camera while making sure the lighting reflects off of him well enough so that it looks like an authentic sex tape so that he can get on that new reality show. Also, he has a history of being around royalty (if he himself is not a queen) and can manage their schedules like nobody’s business. The bromo is a hot mess, but he looks good while doing it and he has 48 hours per day to get it right.

Confusion
The bromo’s final psychic power (listed here, that is) is the confusion blast. The bromo, through his slick talk and cunning, can create a bomb of confusion in the minds of anybody who thinks they know him. It can manifest as him being “the goth one” and then suddenly being all sunshine and dolphins and shit, stealing your boyfriend from right under you, and obtaining your parent’s approval to legally own you without you knowing where any of it came from. The bromo with a single glance can leave you dazed for days, grasping at the threads of reality and saying, “wait, what?”

It’s uncertain how it works. It’s uncertain what it is. It can be achieved through, conceivably, perfectly normal means, but it works in such a way that you have to wonder if it’s planned chaos. Or an unplanned strip of order. Confusion, indeed.

 

The bromo is indeed a powerful entity. And this was only just a sneak peek of the powers the bromo has. What other powers can you think of the bromo having?

Bromos and the Gay Pet Complex and its Complexities

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So I laughed my ass off at this blog post by this pretty lady. Her name is Tricia and she said this funny thing and I totes lol’d. In this post, I’m going to say a lot of culturally critical things. If you want to just skip the explanation and cut to the chase, ignore the next two paragraphs and start reading beneath the FedEx symbol.

Yes, I understand that this image is subject to Marxian analysis as it intersects ideology, consumer/market habits, race and/or nationialism, but damn it just enjoy the image and think what I want you to think about it!

Cultural criticism is defined by Wikipedia as “knowledge via interpretation to understand the meaning of human texts and symbolic expressions—including the interpretation of texts which are themselves implicitly or explicitly the interpretation of other texts. Critical social theory is, in contrast, a form of self-reflective knowledge involving both understanding and theoretical explanation to reduce entrapment in systems of domination or dependence, obeying the emancipatory interest in expanding the scope of autonomy and reducing the scope of domination.” Basically, cultural critics look at a text (advertisement, literature, picture, movie, etc.—any type of cultural product) and interprets it at its rawest, most basic form. It’s sometimes called Marxian analysis, but many cultural critics/theorists are actually not Marxist. Go figure. Also, I would like to thank feminist analysis (a distinct branch of cultural/Marxian analysis) for the particular point of view this post takes.

Ruined your life! You can't un-see it now!

Bromo Say What?! knows that the bromo is intelligent and worldly and is totally fierce to boot. But bromos differ from each other widely and some may be more in tune with our culture’s ways than others. That said, BSW?! is not responsible for any words or ideas which may turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions, and send the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you. Initiate, you have been warned. Once your eyes have been opened, they cannot be closed… Like how when you see the arrow in the FedEx logo between the second E and the X.

So now, the blog post, which comes from Confessions of a Recovering Cynic:

I’m now accepting applications for a BFF.
The position doesn’t pay a salary, but I’ll feed you salacious bites of sexual information about my fiancé, who is hot, ripped and heavily tattooed. Pictures are a possibility.
In exchange, I’ll expect you to suggest I wear fishnet shirts and squeal with me when we gossip. If you wear plaid pants and a campy hat, that would be marvelous.

I mean, it’s satire, so all you critical analysis scholars shouldn’t take it too seriously. (Seriously, Tricia’s cool–check out her stuff.) Anyway, Tricia plays on the heteronormative hierarchy that places heterosexuality in the position of agent and the bromo as child or pet. Women, who are in the societal hierarchy beneath men, are above gay men in this hierarchy on the basis of sexual orientation (I won’t get into race/ethnicity/etc. but you get the idea). In this instance, Tricia takes on the role of a human looking to replace a pet because it ran away. She fondly remembers her last gay BFF’s affection and wants to replace it with another’s just like it. And like I emphasized, it’s a role, meaning that the world is a stage and we play different parts in whatever production of society we find ourselves in at any given moment.

Bromos, I daresay, enjoy playing the role of gay pet from time to time. This isn’t always true, and sometimes the bromo, claiming his position as a man, is the dominant force in the gay man/straight woman relationship, and then you have, in direct contrast to the gay pet relation, the fag hag or fruit fly relationship. BSW?! wouldn’t be complete without an entry on that relationship, so I’ll hop right to it soon, but in a nut shell, the gay man is the one who keeps the straight woman around as an auxiliary who isn’t a part of the gay pack. I point this out to ask bromos to remain gentle and not be so high and mighty in case this post incites ideological violence against the straight woman/gay pet relationship. It’s not harmful if both people gain mutual benefit.

(Joan of Arc) Diva: The female version of a hustler, or a straight up gangsta?

My theory, especially for effeminate men (upcoming post: Why Bromos Support Effeminate Men and the Reason Straight Men Can’t Live Without Them) is that they are drawn to strong women who exude confidence and authority (read: that’s why we love us some divas). Not falling into the abusive dichotomous relationship in society of being mandated to play the masculine role and denying ourselves the ability to explore the feminine, bromos dare to admire and lift the heterosexual woman in society by selflessly helping her choose clothes for the party giving proper respect where it is due—and respect for women in society is long overdue.

It is this respect for women, sometimes to the point of imitation, which I think many young boys who don’t play sports or engage in traditionally male activities turn to suicide to correct. As they are unable to cope with the pressure and ultimately find peace in death—something BSW desires to fight with all its being—they deny the world their light, creativity and beauty. Yes, I do think American society, for all the freedom it preaches (operative word, preaches) is the number one killer behind lgbt individuals, behind discrimination and hate crimes—both of which are bountiful in American culture. (Upcoming post: The Challenges Transgendered People Face; possibly an interview—SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL OR LIKE OUR FACEBOOK PAGE FOR UPDATES! Both options are on the sidebar to the right of this page!!)

Another theory I have about the straight female/pet gay comes straight (lmao) from the societal hierarchy and the recognition of it. The straight woman and bromo are both aware that there is a ladder and that neither of them are privileged enough to be at the top because they are not heterosexual males (upper class and white/European descent being excluded from the example due to the fact that I do not know the specific class status or race/ethnicity of the reader and I seek to reach a broad audience while some of these markers only apply to the West and then to the United States; this exclusion, I recognize, marginalizes the experiences of people of color—another culturally disenfranchised group). That said, because they recognize their lower status, they find comfort and belonging in their similarities as being parts of marginalized groups and band together to withstand the waves of cultural appropriation that demand them see things from the point of view of the heterosexual male.

Below I’ve put two images that show what the gay BFF is expected to be. I’m just going to take it critic style for a second to explain these images (I haven’t done this since first semester of Junior year! So much fun!)

Megan Mullally/Karen Walker and Sean Hayes/Jack McFarland

In this image depicting Jack and Karen from TV’s Will & Grace, Karen displays power by sitting upright and showing control over her emotions. Her straight back and upright position exudes confidence and self reliance and, by extension, control over her surroundings (Jack included). Jack, on the other hand, reclines in a leisurely fashion and responds to Karen with a some sort of positive emotion (joy? humor?) and points, as if to pay homage. He is in a position that is less powerful, in that if someone attacked right then, he would be less able to protect himself than Karen would be. Even their clothing suggest dominance and submissiveness, for Karen is in formal attire that allows her to travel freely through the public sphere, as opposed to Jack, who wears pajams. It would appear that he is sick, for he’s got a blanket covering him and a bowl of what I presume to be soup at his side, but even his supposed illness is less priveleged than Karen’s healthy disposition. And those earrings are fierce! The earrings she wears also point to a position of wealth (and she is extremely wealthy) over Jack’s unadorned ears (or anything else). She is bisexual, but I honestly feel that in the show, that is an auxiliary part of her identity.

Vanessa Williams/Wilhelmina Slater and Michael Urie/Marc St. James

In this image depicting Wilhelmina Slater and Marc St. James from Ugly Betty, the same tropes from the Jack/Karen image apply more or less. It goes to say that Will & Grace helped to pave the way for gay characters to appear favorably in the medium of television, and the Jack/Karen way of portraying straight women and gay mean is extremely popular and profitable. Anyawy, in the image, Wilhelmina is showing more constraint, and more poise. Even though she is wearing clothing made for women and Marc wears clothing meant for men (read: women’s clothing is seen to show inferiority while the men’s suit stereotypically exudes authority) the solid color of the garments versus Marc’s slew of color speaks volumes in how it appears. They both look into the distance over the camera, but Marc holds himself as if anything in the environment can affect him whereas Wilhelmina’s body posture, though leaning forward (not slouched), is predatory in nature, as if she can take on any threat that came her way head on.

This image differs from Jack/Karen in that Wilhelmina is African-American (you couldn’t tell). It puts the hierarchy into limbo considering whiteness is more privileged than blackness, and yet, heterosexuality is more privileged than homosexuality. If they were equal in terms of power and up for a promotion, who’s merit would account for more if their ethnicities and sexualities were examined? An Afro-American heterosxual woman or a white homosexual man? Oppression Olympic judges might note that Wilhelmina has two strikes against her (race and gender) whereas Marc only has one (sexual orientation). Which leads to the question: Are they in a place like Atlanta, Georgia (with a Black majority and a fair amount of Black influence) or Seattle, Washington?

Another post you can check out is Betches Love This: #52 The Gay BFF.

The most amazing trait of the gay bestie is that they LOVE drama and always have way more scandalous stories than you, which makes [the betch] feel like less of a slut. You suddenly feel better about having sex with three different guys last weekend when your gay bestie informs you he just had a threesome in the Equinox bathroom this morning.

This site, in a way stronger than Tricia, cultivates the bromo as a pet gay, but also allows him the agency to do what he wants. The reason for this is because the betch, as described on the blog, is a fiercely independent and slightly amoral individual, and expects the same of all of the associates the she does not keep around for the sake of manipulation. The betch, they posit, is always going to be on top and is always going to win at everything (because they’re competitive as shit), but the bromo has the ability to rise to glory in the same way—if he’s betchy enough, that is.

Also, please note that THAT ENTIRE SITE IS SATIRICAL, so don’t be heckling the betches who run it about how they’re so misguided and whatnot. Or do, I suppose, if you are not a fan of ironic cultural criticism or the negative media effects that satire inevitably produces.

To conclude the post after all of this, I don’t think it’s wrong to take a submissive role. If a bromo has a strong-willed gal pal and he feels more at ease cuddling up to her and letting her make decisions as he admire her strength, it does not mean the bromo is being abused or dehumanized. It becomes a problem when the woman legitimately believes that all gay men are the same, or are only good for giving compliments or choosing her spring color palate.

Also, don’t not enjoy a wall of text, picture, movie, etc. because you recognize the trope being played out. It happens in real life and sometimes the text is merely making an observation, not pigeonholing all gays into a singular type. But bromos do reserve the right to criticize the hell out of it—after all, gays are catty bitches, right? 😉 Maybe, for the sake of empowerment, I’ll write a post about how we can use the way straight society sees us as a power play.

NOTE: This post was NOT supposed to become a thesis. I meant to just talk up this blog post I read and enjoyed the other day. You guys know I like to keep things light, but I guess even I get hot and heavy at times. I’ve got needs too damnit! You can’t just come over, take me, and expect me to be happy with the arrangement! On that note, have a great day! 😀

Also, once again, don’t be hatin’ on Tricia! Her post amused me, I hope it entertains you as well. Oh, and she’s awesome! She’s at www.tershbango.blogspot.com and I hope you find something you like there!

Get into the Mix

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Bromos love mixes. Whether it’s a mixed drink, a party with mixed company, or looking at sexy ambiguously mixed men and completely objectifying them by attempting to itemize their ethnic characteristics and ultimately deciding if he’s just ethnic enough so that you can bring him home to the parents oggling them, bromos don’t do anything on the straight or narrow. That said, we found this beautiful mix of songs great for starting our pregame this evening.

It’s a house/dance mix of massively popular songs from earlier this year put together by Youtube user DJHennerz.

This is an electro/house mix for the real party. Break it out only once that party has started. And the visuals are pretty great too. So if you party with a projector, you’re in luck! This reminds me, I want to throw a gay night at our school’s night club. I think it would be a lot of fun! Or the room might work—that way, we can have real cocktails with only a portion of the judging!

Bromos Love…. DIVAS!

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We know, we know, bromos break the mold and expectations like J. Lo breaks hearts, but one thing is certain: From the tiniest twink to the most ‘roided gym bunnie, we love our divas. They’re like the fruit flies who we can stick into our iPods and have story time with in the shower (don’t act like I’m the only one who sings sad songs about being alone in the shower!!)

Beyonce
Bromos love them some Beyonce. Beyonce’s “thing” even while being a part of Destiny’s step Child was to talk about how hard she worked. And when that got old, she got everybody else to talk about how hard she worked. With the amount of talent she has, she was making damn sure that nobody chalked it up to good genetics in the voice department for her to be able to belt out notes with that powerhouse voice. And it worked. Even her nickname, “Bee”, corresponds to her hard work.

But bromos love her because we can feel as if we worked hard even if we just listened to her and danced the night away, screeching lip-syncing her music. Not going to lie, her acting isn’t all that great, but nobody can deny that the woman can SANG! We also feel like she gives us many H2BT moments, like when she fell offstage on tour that one time and it’s totally on youtube sang especially good well that one time and topped herself.

Lady Gaga
This chick made it OK to go out dressed in shit we found around the garage. Bromos were already creative, but Gaga inspired the creative spirit in those who might’ve been too afraid otherwise. Call her manufactured, a sellout, an Illuminati witch, a blasphemer, whatever; the fact that you have a deeply-seeded personal opinion about this woman should show how much reach she has.

And that’s not all! Along with Nicki Minaj (see below), she gave relatively normal children license to act psychotic and deranged. Last time I checked, clawing the air and thinking you had claws got you an A for creativity in kindergarten, or another dose of whatever they were giving you in the insane asylum. But I’m just sayin’.

Adele
Bitch, we know, we know. Rumour has it that we rolling in the deep while turning tables; don’t you remember when we set fire to the rain because he wont go after we told him to take it all? We get it already!

Adele is a humble diva who ain’t gettin’ another mention on this blog for a month! I swear, we might as well have been her PR team, we promoted that ass so good. Betch got me talkin’ like I’m with the gurls. Ugh. Anyway, we love her and that’s all you need to know.

Nicki Minaj
This chick made it OK for little white bromos to join the soft-core rap scene and not be stared at like a curious object by the Black and Latino bromos in the club. Just be careful cos that tricky lady laid down some landmines that you might not want to step on if you’re not behind locked doors. Though, for that matter, why would anyone want to step on a landmine?

Anyway, she’s got like a billion personalities that all come out at different times to handle their various businesses, making Nicki like a medium or something. What differentiates her from Gaga aside from the ginormous ass and rapping ability is her total immersion in fashion. Gaga wears Diet Coke cans in her hair because it’s ‘cool’. Nicki wears stuff that would make you wonder what the hell drug you’re on because she can. Not hating on Gaga, but Nicki ups the ante LIKE A DUNGEON DRAGON.

Janelle Monae
So, she’s edgy, but not so much so over the edge that she’s caught in a bad romance or feeling like a dungeon dragon. No, no, she’s much classier than that. Donning tuxedos and a pompadour that only she can rock, Janelle Monae is at the top of her class. Bromos love her because she’s real and she’s smart.

Her music has meaning and it really comes from her heart; and if you’ve ever seen her perform… Well… *GUSH*

Anyway, Janelle is like the tightrope she sings about. She’s amazing and artistic, but she’s so cool and down to earth that you wouldn’t be embarrassed going to her concert and being seen there (if Gaga and Minaj weren’t industry-pushed, you wouldn’t be caught dead listening to their flat-ass lyrics and you know it).

Homage to Tumblr’s “Miranda Priestley” tag

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I’ve been tumbling lately (Check me out!!) and I realized that Miranda Priestly is all up in this betch. Anybody who knows me knows I love this woman like my own daughter *cough*. That said, feel free to enjoy the narrative proceeding these messages outlining the symbolic and literal impact that a bromo has on the world. 🙂

The moment you enter the room

The moment somebody interrupts your story time or H2BT moment

The moment somebody interrupts you and again

The moment you play with your prey before you pull a power play

The moment they realize they’re messing with the HBIC

The moment you put them in their place
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The moment you lay down the final law
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Bromos are the baddest betches: Not only because we do as we please, but generally, we are pleased with what we do. Miranda Preistley is the epitome of that. Never, I say, never in your life, get a bromo to the point where he makes you his bitch. We seriously do not play that. If you have to ask, we will dismiss you.

"That's all."

Power Play

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RuPaul

The bromo is a minority rare breed. Even within the gay community, his confidence and sense of self put him in a place where he is in the winner’s circle. Naturally, bitches be jealous of his boogie. Moreover, if the bromo is naturally insecure and in a place where he is not free to be himself,  he must  be even more cunning to keep that ass in the clear.

That said, the bromo must have a few tricks up his sleeve—or the ability to leverage power in any situation. If the world were fair, the bromo would be like everyone else. But it’s not, and a bitch got to eat right? (But not too much; you wanna look good for Fashion Week next year!) The bromo, therefore, develops strategies for getting the edge on the competition. We’ll outline some of the various ways the bromo leverages power in every day situations.

Language
Bromos have mastered the runaround. While we can be blunt, years of being in the closet and describing our pretend lovers as “they” has taught us to craft language into a suitable form of defensive weaponry.

Straightboy Tom: So John, you have anyone special?
John: Yeah, they’re in school abroad.
Straightboy Tom: Cool; she must be really smart.

Take note of how Tom assumes that they translates into she. He’s not dumb—he’s just a part of a heteronormative order which is so confident in its self-sustainability that it does not question itself or those who subscribe to it. Yes; just by virtue of being gay in our society, you must fight all that.

Also, our ability to code-switch, or change our manner of speech for our environment, gives us an added layer of meaning when we are around mixed company.

Bromo John: Gurl! Did you even know about Beyonce’s baby?!
Bromo Dylan: Honey! I thought she was getting a little fat!
Bromo John: Oh shit! Straightboy Tom is coming!
Bromo Dylan: Yeah, so I totally banged that girl—I mean bitch!
Bromo John: Yeah! Me too! It was so, uh, good!
Straightboy Tom: Awesome!
Bromo Dylan: Okay, gurl. He’s gone. So anyway, I hope little Beybey doesn’t look like Jay-Z.

And finally, our humor. Since we hate our sinful selves can laugh self-depreciatingly at ourselves, it’s not odd to hear two or more bromos trading insults. It’s like an oral workout with none of the cleanup. As bad and as brutal as we can be to each other, we can be worse toward you.

Basically, the bromo distorts what others think about him not by lying outright, but by allowing people to think what it is they really want to think. It’s a flattering service, really.

The sexy Fauzi Rassull: Singapore's ONLY Male Bitch

The False Idol
We can be Jezebel whores of Babylon at times, leading men to destruction. “Don’t put any idol before Me,” said God, in one of his Ten Commandments. Well bromos certainly tempt men by sitting like statuesque deities as they sit upright with arched backs and eyes that stare off purposefully into the distance. Take our word for it: You can see it at any of those stand-and-be-seen type bars. Bromos literally move as if they can be photographed at any minute and they will not be seen looking like a hot mess. But it’s really a power play: It scares away the meek men and only the bromos with confidence in their swag dare to approach. It also dares the trepid men to bromo-up and take the challenge.

The Test of Fire
A bromo won’t use this particular power strategy unless you are his worst enemy. It’s like being put beneath a magnifying glass with the sun being intensified on you and there’s nowhere to run. You and the bromo are at a party and you’re all standing, sipping your Pinot Grigio and as Tony tells a story nobody cares about in his mousy voice, the bromo interrupts: Josh! How are your herpes? And did your hemorrhoids clear up? Something private goes public. The only way to get past this is to own it and move on. Your only shot is to appeal for sympathy by painting the bromo as a bad guy. Just bite the bullet and cry.

Worse, however, is when the bromo says something indirect and meaningless: It’s OK, Josh. We all know about your little problem. We just want to help. This one is worse because it’s abstract, and the bromo uses his superior mental abilities to make the unaware regular people create their own little problem with Josh. And because they all want to help poor Josh, they all get whatever it is they think Josh needs. And because all the focus is on Josh, the bromo that started it all is seen as a saint for wanting to help Josh. That shit right there? That’s leverage.

So in the end, bromos and power play go hand in hand. The bitch within the bromo is strong. One must know the bromo to beat the bromo. Do not mistake the bromo for a weakling. If bars exist between a bromo and a non, it’s for the non’s protection. At any rate, with power plays, to win is to gain the bromo’s love and/or admiration. Or his eternal enmity.

Our Bromo Adele

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Adele. Uh-del. Uh-Dayle. Uh-Dee-Lee. Betch is a fuck’n BOSS.

Bromos love us some Adele. She is a staple for our best H2BT moments at the bar when the drag queen is doing her thing on stage. And anyone who says they haven’t sang “Rumor Has It” in the shower after hearing it twice is a dirty liar and should be put to death in the most painful way possible.

Shavonna B Brooks: HBIC Drag Queen. Click pic for more info

Adele is as big and bad as she wants to be. At Bromo Say What?! we encourage people to see past appearances, but we don’t condone social blindness. We encourage owning it. That said, Adele gives comfort to the people who aren’t stick-thin anorexic, and who know they are amazing despite their size if they happen to not be able to fit into a size zero or 28, as is the case for me.. I WANTED THOSE SKINNY JEANS!!! UGH…. Anyhoozle, we absolutely love her here. She is amazingly talented, she’s beautiful, and if we could, we would be her. Seriously. We would be her.

(We’re going to lay off Rolling in the Deep for now. We know it’s going to be a timeless classic as you down your beers and appletinis, but right now, it’s time on the radio needs to stop. Can we get a Resting in the Deep?)

She’s most commonly compared to the late Amy Winehouse, a bad ass female bromo who has recently joined the 27 Club, because Americans don’t seem to know any other female British singers of her soulful cadence and ability to drive forward and do what she wants. Both have/had beautiful voices and, as we’ve just now realized, very thick hair.

In fact, the only thing we hate more than somebody fucking up her songs during karaoke is when Kidz Bop has those annoying children covering her. Child, you are seven; what deep are you rolling in? Seriously, bitch?! WHAT DEEP?! Never have I wanted admittance into the Slap-a-ho tribe than I do when I see a Kidz Bop commercial… Wow, what a note to end on, eh?