Tag Archives: Feminism

Bromos and the Gay Pet Complex and its Complexities

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So I laughed my ass off at this blog post by this pretty lady. Her name is Tricia and she said this funny thing and I totes lol’d. In this post, I’m going to say a lot of culturally critical things. If you want to just skip the explanation and cut to the chase, ignore the next two paragraphs and start reading beneath the FedEx symbol.

Yes, I understand that this image is subject to Marxian analysis as it intersects ideology, consumer/market habits, race and/or nationialism, but damn it just enjoy the image and think what I want you to think about it!

Cultural criticism is defined by Wikipedia as “knowledge via interpretation to understand the meaning of human texts and symbolic expressions—including the interpretation of texts which are themselves implicitly or explicitly the interpretation of other texts. Critical social theory is, in contrast, a form of self-reflective knowledge involving both understanding and theoretical explanation to reduce entrapment in systems of domination or dependence, obeying the emancipatory interest in expanding the scope of autonomy and reducing the scope of domination.” Basically, cultural critics look at a text (advertisement, literature, picture, movie, etc.—any type of cultural product) and interprets it at its rawest, most basic form. It’s sometimes called Marxian analysis, but many cultural critics/theorists are actually not Marxist. Go figure. Also, I would like to thank feminist analysis (a distinct branch of cultural/Marxian analysis) for the particular point of view this post takes.

Ruined your life! You can't un-see it now!

Bromo Say What?! knows that the bromo is intelligent and worldly and is totally fierce to boot. But bromos differ from each other widely and some may be more in tune with our culture’s ways than others. That said, BSW?! is not responsible for any words or ideas which may turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions, and send the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you. Initiate, you have been warned. Once your eyes have been opened, they cannot be closed… Like how when you see the arrow in the FedEx logo between the second E and the X.

So now, the blog post, which comes from Confessions of a Recovering Cynic:

I’m now accepting applications for a BFF.
The position doesn’t pay a salary, but I’ll feed you salacious bites of sexual information about my fiancé, who is hot, ripped and heavily tattooed. Pictures are a possibility.
In exchange, I’ll expect you to suggest I wear fishnet shirts and squeal with me when we gossip. If you wear plaid pants and a campy hat, that would be marvelous.

I mean, it’s satire, so all you critical analysis scholars shouldn’t take it too seriously. (Seriously, Tricia’s cool–check out her stuff.) Anyway, Tricia plays on the heteronormative hierarchy that places heterosexuality in the position of agent and the bromo as child or pet. Women, who are in the societal hierarchy beneath men, are above gay men in this hierarchy on the basis of sexual orientation (I won’t get into race/ethnicity/etc. but you get the idea). In this instance, Tricia takes on the role of a human looking to replace a pet because it ran away. She fondly remembers her last gay BFF’s affection and wants to replace it with another’s just like it. And like I emphasized, it’s a role, meaning that the world is a stage and we play different parts in whatever production of society we find ourselves in at any given moment.

Bromos, I daresay, enjoy playing the role of gay pet from time to time. This isn’t always true, and sometimes the bromo, claiming his position as a man, is the dominant force in the gay man/straight woman relationship, and then you have, in direct contrast to the gay pet relation, the fag hag or fruit fly relationship. BSW?! wouldn’t be complete without an entry on that relationship, so I’ll hop right to it soon, but in a nut shell, the gay man is the one who keeps the straight woman around as an auxiliary who isn’t a part of the gay pack. I point this out to ask bromos to remain gentle and not be so high and mighty in case this post incites ideological violence against the straight woman/gay pet relationship. It’s not harmful if both people gain mutual benefit.

(Joan of Arc) Diva: The female version of a hustler, or a straight up gangsta?

My theory, especially for effeminate men (upcoming post: Why Bromos Support Effeminate Men and the Reason Straight Men Can’t Live Without Them) is that they are drawn to strong women who exude confidence and authority (read: that’s why we love us some divas). Not falling into the abusive dichotomous relationship in society of being mandated to play the masculine role and denying ourselves the ability to explore the feminine, bromos dare to admire and lift the heterosexual woman in society by selflessly helping her choose clothes for the party giving proper respect where it is due—and respect for women in society is long overdue.

It is this respect for women, sometimes to the point of imitation, which I think many young boys who don’t play sports or engage in traditionally male activities turn to suicide to correct. As they are unable to cope with the pressure and ultimately find peace in death—something BSW desires to fight with all its being—they deny the world their light, creativity and beauty. Yes, I do think American society, for all the freedom it preaches (operative word, preaches) is the number one killer behind lgbt individuals, behind discrimination and hate crimes—both of which are bountiful in American culture. (Upcoming post: The Challenges Transgendered People Face; possibly an interview—SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL OR LIKE OUR FACEBOOK PAGE FOR UPDATES! Both options are on the sidebar to the right of this page!!)

Another theory I have about the straight female/pet gay comes straight (lmao) from the societal hierarchy and the recognition of it. The straight woman and bromo are both aware that there is a ladder and that neither of them are privileged enough to be at the top because they are not heterosexual males (upper class and white/European descent being excluded from the example due to the fact that I do not know the specific class status or race/ethnicity of the reader and I seek to reach a broad audience while some of these markers only apply to the West and then to the United States; this exclusion, I recognize, marginalizes the experiences of people of color—another culturally disenfranchised group). That said, because they recognize their lower status, they find comfort and belonging in their similarities as being parts of marginalized groups and band together to withstand the waves of cultural appropriation that demand them see things from the point of view of the heterosexual male.

Below I’ve put two images that show what the gay BFF is expected to be. I’m just going to take it critic style for a second to explain these images (I haven’t done this since first semester of Junior year! So much fun!)

Megan Mullally/Karen Walker and Sean Hayes/Jack McFarland

In this image depicting Jack and Karen from TV’s Will & Grace, Karen displays power by sitting upright and showing control over her emotions. Her straight back and upright position exudes confidence and self reliance and, by extension, control over her surroundings (Jack included). Jack, on the other hand, reclines in a leisurely fashion and responds to Karen with a some sort of positive emotion (joy? humor?) and points, as if to pay homage. He is in a position that is less powerful, in that if someone attacked right then, he would be less able to protect himself than Karen would be. Even their clothing suggest dominance and submissiveness, for Karen is in formal attire that allows her to travel freely through the public sphere, as opposed to Jack, who wears pajams. It would appear that he is sick, for he’s got a blanket covering him and a bowl of what I presume to be soup at his side, but even his supposed illness is less priveleged than Karen’s healthy disposition. And those earrings are fierce! The earrings she wears also point to a position of wealth (and she is extremely wealthy) over Jack’s unadorned ears (or anything else). She is bisexual, but I honestly feel that in the show, that is an auxiliary part of her identity.

Vanessa Williams/Wilhelmina Slater and Michael Urie/Marc St. James

In this image depicting Wilhelmina Slater and Marc St. James from Ugly Betty, the same tropes from the Jack/Karen image apply more or less. It goes to say that Will & Grace helped to pave the way for gay characters to appear favorably in the medium of television, and the Jack/Karen way of portraying straight women and gay mean is extremely popular and profitable. Anyawy, in the image, Wilhelmina is showing more constraint, and more poise. Even though she is wearing clothing made for women and Marc wears clothing meant for men (read: women’s clothing is seen to show inferiority while the men’s suit stereotypically exudes authority) the solid color of the garments versus Marc’s slew of color speaks volumes in how it appears. They both look into the distance over the camera, but Marc holds himself as if anything in the environment can affect him whereas Wilhelmina’s body posture, though leaning forward (not slouched), is predatory in nature, as if she can take on any threat that came her way head on.

This image differs from Jack/Karen in that Wilhelmina is African-American (you couldn’t tell). It puts the hierarchy into limbo considering whiteness is more privileged than blackness, and yet, heterosexuality is more privileged than homosexuality. If they were equal in terms of power and up for a promotion, who’s merit would account for more if their ethnicities and sexualities were examined? An Afro-American heterosxual woman or a white homosexual man? Oppression Olympic judges might note that Wilhelmina has two strikes against her (race and gender) whereas Marc only has one (sexual orientation). Which leads to the question: Are they in a place like Atlanta, Georgia (with a Black majority and a fair amount of Black influence) or Seattle, Washington?

Another post you can check out is Betches Love This: #52 The Gay BFF.

The most amazing trait of the gay bestie is that they LOVE drama and always have way more scandalous stories than you, which makes [the betch] feel like less of a slut. You suddenly feel better about having sex with three different guys last weekend when your gay bestie informs you he just had a threesome in the Equinox bathroom this morning.

This site, in a way stronger than Tricia, cultivates the bromo as a pet gay, but also allows him the agency to do what he wants. The reason for this is because the betch, as described on the blog, is a fiercely independent and slightly amoral individual, and expects the same of all of the associates the she does not keep around for the sake of manipulation. The betch, they posit, is always going to be on top and is always going to win at everything (because they’re competitive as shit), but the bromo has the ability to rise to glory in the same way—if he’s betchy enough, that is.

Also, please note that THAT ENTIRE SITE IS SATIRICAL, so don’t be heckling the betches who run it about how they’re so misguided and whatnot. Or do, I suppose, if you are not a fan of ironic cultural criticism or the negative media effects that satire inevitably produces.

To conclude the post after all of this, I don’t think it’s wrong to take a submissive role. If a bromo has a strong-willed gal pal and he feels more at ease cuddling up to her and letting her make decisions as he admire her strength, it does not mean the bromo is being abused or dehumanized. It becomes a problem when the woman legitimately believes that all gay men are the same, or are only good for giving compliments or choosing her spring color palate.

Also, don’t not enjoy a wall of text, picture, movie, etc. because you recognize the trope being played out. It happens in real life and sometimes the text is merely making an observation, not pigeonholing all gays into a singular type. But bromos do reserve the right to criticize the hell out of it—after all, gays are catty bitches, right? 😉 Maybe, for the sake of empowerment, I’ll write a post about how we can use the way straight society sees us as a power play.

NOTE: This post was NOT supposed to become a thesis. I meant to just talk up this blog post I read and enjoyed the other day. You guys know I like to keep things light, but I guess even I get hot and heavy at times. I’ve got needs too damnit! You can’t just come over, take me, and expect me to be happy with the arrangement! On that note, have a great day! 😀

Also, once again, don’t be hatin’ on Tricia! Her post amused me, I hope it entertains you as well. Oh, and she’s awesome! She’s at www.tershbango.blogspot.com and I hope you find something you like there!

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Bromos Love…. DIVAS!

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We know, we know, bromos break the mold and expectations like J. Lo breaks hearts, but one thing is certain: From the tiniest twink to the most ‘roided gym bunnie, we love our divas. They’re like the fruit flies who we can stick into our iPods and have story time with in the shower (don’t act like I’m the only one who sings sad songs about being alone in the shower!!)

Beyonce
Bromos love them some Beyonce. Beyonce’s “thing” even while being a part of Destiny’s step Child was to talk about how hard she worked. And when that got old, she got everybody else to talk about how hard she worked. With the amount of talent she has, she was making damn sure that nobody chalked it up to good genetics in the voice department for her to be able to belt out notes with that powerhouse voice. And it worked. Even her nickname, “Bee”, corresponds to her hard work.

But bromos love her because we can feel as if we worked hard even if we just listened to her and danced the night away, screeching lip-syncing her music. Not going to lie, her acting isn’t all that great, but nobody can deny that the woman can SANG! We also feel like she gives us many H2BT moments, like when she fell offstage on tour that one time and it’s totally on youtube sang especially good well that one time and topped herself.

Lady Gaga
This chick made it OK to go out dressed in shit we found around the garage. Bromos were already creative, but Gaga inspired the creative spirit in those who might’ve been too afraid otherwise. Call her manufactured, a sellout, an Illuminati witch, a blasphemer, whatever; the fact that you have a deeply-seeded personal opinion about this woman should show how much reach she has.

And that’s not all! Along with Nicki Minaj (see below), she gave relatively normal children license to act psychotic and deranged. Last time I checked, clawing the air and thinking you had claws got you an A for creativity in kindergarten, or another dose of whatever they were giving you in the insane asylum. But I’m just sayin’.

Adele
Bitch, we know, we know. Rumour has it that we rolling in the deep while turning tables; don’t you remember when we set fire to the rain because he wont go after we told him to take it all? We get it already!

Adele is a humble diva who ain’t gettin’ another mention on this blog for a month! I swear, we might as well have been her PR team, we promoted that ass so good. Betch got me talkin’ like I’m with the gurls. Ugh. Anyway, we love her and that’s all you need to know.

Nicki Minaj
This chick made it OK for little white bromos to join the soft-core rap scene and not be stared at like a curious object by the Black and Latino bromos in the club. Just be careful cos that tricky lady laid down some landmines that you might not want to step on if you’re not behind locked doors. Though, for that matter, why would anyone want to step on a landmine?

Anyway, she’s got like a billion personalities that all come out at different times to handle their various businesses, making Nicki like a medium or something. What differentiates her from Gaga aside from the ginormous ass and rapping ability is her total immersion in fashion. Gaga wears Diet Coke cans in her hair because it’s ‘cool’. Nicki wears stuff that would make you wonder what the hell drug you’re on because she can. Not hating on Gaga, but Nicki ups the ante LIKE A DUNGEON DRAGON.

Janelle Monae
So, she’s edgy, but not so much so over the edge that she’s caught in a bad romance or feeling like a dungeon dragon. No, no, she’s much classier than that. Donning tuxedos and a pompadour that only she can rock, Janelle Monae is at the top of her class. Bromos love her because she’s real and she’s smart.

Her music has meaning and it really comes from her heart; and if you’ve ever seen her perform… Well… *GUSH*

Anyway, Janelle is like the tightrope she sings about. She’s amazing and artistic, but she’s so cool and down to earth that you wouldn’t be embarrassed going to her concert and being seen there (if Gaga and Minaj weren’t industry-pushed, you wouldn’t be caught dead listening to their flat-ass lyrics and you know it).

Homage to Tumblr’s “Miranda Priestley” tag

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I’ve been tumbling lately (Check me out!!) and I realized that Miranda Priestly is all up in this betch. Anybody who knows me knows I love this woman like my own daughter *cough*. That said, feel free to enjoy the narrative proceeding these messages outlining the symbolic and literal impact that a bromo has on the world. 🙂

The moment you enter the room

The moment somebody interrupts your story time or H2BT moment

The moment somebody interrupts you and again

The moment you play with your prey before you pull a power play

The moment they realize they’re messing with the HBIC

The moment you put them in their place
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The moment you lay down the final law
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Bromos are the baddest betches: Not only because we do as we please, but generally, we are pleased with what we do. Miranda Preistley is the epitome of that. Never, I say, never in your life, get a bromo to the point where he makes you his bitch. We seriously do not play that. If you have to ask, we will dismiss you.

"That's all."

The Head Bitches In Charge

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Why do bromos love movies like The Devil Wears Prada, or television shows like Ugly Betty? Well, it doesn’t have anything to do with the frumpy protagonists. And only a percentage of bromos have editorial/journalistic leanings (yours truly included). But bromos love them a good HBIC.

The Head Bitch In Charge is the diva of a woman who can silence anyone with a glance and who can castrate and effeminate men without even having to say a word. She doesn’t move with grace, she is fucking grace. She doesn’t flip her hair, her hair flips its fucking self! Bromos love this because it gives them something to identify with that’s sleeker in design than the bulky build of the average straight male and, frankly, more intelligent. There are two varieties I am going to tackle today.

Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly



Miranda Priestley
You don’t get any badder than Miranda. The antagonist in The Devil Wears Prada, the mere mention of her name has bromos and everybody else too afraid to get on the elevator with her. And not only was she portrayed by Meryl Streep, Maryl Streep portrayed her.

She’s the kind of woman who hasn’t done her job if thirteen people don’t want to commit suicide by six A.M. And the best part is that she doesn’t wake up until seven! She is emotionally abusive and psychologically torturous. Even when she whispers, there’s power in it.

Bromos love Miranda because she’s a classic beauty. At age (something-or-other-older-than-fifty), she rocks her undyed naturally-white hair. She only wears designer clothes and she has cat eyes without the makeup. And let’s not get to the wit.

Bromos adore Miranda’s one liners. They don’t just adore them, they revere and copy them. If you didn’t watch that movie and say “That’s all,” in a lazy drawl after telling somebody something, you’re a dirty liar and you’re going to hell for it. Also, you can tell a bromo is lying about mimicing Miranda when they look you up and down, barely give you a scoff (in a way that says you aren’t deserving of the air they exhale) and turn away. Streep turned a normal bitchy thing to do into something that you could only do if you were touched by Heaven (or Hell, as it were).

Vanessa Williams as Wilhelmina Slater

Wilhelmina Slater
While it did not have the same audience size of The Devil Wears Prada, Ugly Betty gave us two amazing things: America Ferrera and Vanessa Williams as Wilhelmina Slater. We love us some America, but you are not a HBIC, honey. We’re gonna have to ask you to sit down.

Now Wilhelmina—OH! She is the HBIC if only because she’s conceited and she owns it. Like Miranda, she abuses her subordinates. To take it one step further, she downright humiliates them:

That said, fashionista bromos in particular love her. It might have something to do with their love for seeing the unfashionable suffer. They love how she’ll punish reduce a straight man to tears in moments, something that they aren’t necessarily able to do with one line without resorting to tedious blackmail (we love it!). And if Miranda had wit, Wilhelmina takes that to the extreme with her venom. The term “bad bitch” has been thrown around popular media lately. If anyone’s a bad bitch, it’s her. And she’s had four seasons with roughly 20 episodes each to own it. Wilhelmina has not once failed to deliver jaw-dropping schemes and one-liners to her loving audience. She is a Spartan in the truest sense of the word! [SPOILER ALERT] She even fucked Betty White over!! [/SPOILER]

I dare not ask, but who do you think trumps the other in the battle of the fashionista divas? Both actresses are amazing and both characters are devils in their own right. Both have the reputation of being bitches because our male-dominated society is not used to having women who succeed and straight up shit on them. But if you give them crowns and titles, they’ll gladly accept it. I mean, it’s more than you have, right?

*Bromomo is a total feminist.