Tag Archives: Story Time

Bromo Say Psychic?!

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The best part about being a bromo is probably the psychic abilities. While the occasional ability to pass for straight shapshift or vent angrily breath fire does pop up frequently, it’s the psychic arsenal that finds itself the most prized power play. Among our psychic powers is mind reading, mind-to-mind communication, mental command, time manipulation, seduction, confusion, and the like. I mean, it’s not like we’re not scanning your whole history while we pretend to be on the phone with our besties.

Mind Reading
We know what you’re thinking before you acknowledge it, and while that dumb look crosses your face as you consider what it would be like to have your nasty way with us. The bromo doesn’t even have to try with some people, they just shout their thoughts outloud as if their brains had a little megaphone. When you think we’re just standing around all model-esq as a form of power play, in actuality, we are focusing all of our attention on diving into the depths of your past, figuring out what makes you tick, and then judging the best way to approach you—if you past our first tests.

By the same token, we’re also doing a risk analysis: Does the fact that you don’t make up your bed in the morning an indication that you are sloppy, or too ambitious to pay attention to the small things? And because mind reading won’t get us everywhere necessarily, we have to use our other psychic abilities.

Mind-to-Mind Communication
Everybody talks to themselves in their minds. It’s how we run over thoughts or choose courses of action. When the bromo engages in mind-to-mind, it’s for one of two things: low-down gossip, or sly infiltration. Basically, it’s a story time without having to go anywhere. Using this form of communication, bromos share answers during tests that are ridiculously unfair difficult, discuss the proper ass-to-waist ratio while sitting in the pews at the silent church, or cutting down some rude bitch who happens to have more authority than both bromos combined. It’s not necessary, but the natural inclination for the bromo is to make eye contact that the outsider knows is meaningful, but can’t decipher. Another bromo might be able to hack into the wavelength, but woe betide the poor non who lights aflame the ire of a bromo scorned in the presence of others.

As far as usage for infiltration, the bromo gets all up in your head. He’s the voice pretending to be yours when you aren’t sure if you should get yogurt or ice cream. You know for certain that you wanted ice ceram in the beginning, but the little insistence that you get yogurt that eats away at you until you’re in front of the fro-yo place is deafening. And it doesn’t let up. The bromo also uses this power to stop you from making a move you’ll regret. He’s your best friend’s ex! Don’t do it! Like the little angel on your shoulder, the bromo’s got your back—especially when it comes to whose back you should have.

Mental Command
This is a power that the bromo should really cultivate more instead of focusing on the moral ethics of it. If you’ve ever seen a group of potential gay bashers suddenly get a sense of morality and back off, or a bartender give an extra shot of rum to a bromos cocktail when he hasn’t even flirted with him yet, you’ve witnessed this power in play. It’s often not used to its full potential because the evil Order of the Status Quo knows that same-sex relationships and transgender identity rights would gain full acceptance if they don’t continue to use the media to oppress us. They do everything in their power to keep our self-confidence minimal. Not ironically, it is self-confidence that is necessary to make this particular power work. Coincidence? How are you going to control someone if you can’t even control yourself? You must own yourself!

In recent years, as our confidence grows and our community, so does our ability to come together and affirm each other, allowing our abilities to flourish. Do you think all of those senators and governors agreed to support our rights on their own? Nope. Our on-the-go forceful acceptance therapy delightful persuasion had to strike the right chords. There are some who are seemingly impervious to our abilities, but as we grow, so will our mental command powers and our rights.

But on the less political side, we have been able to use this wonderful gift to make certain lawmakers act on their natural urges in order to create scandals nationwide. Since mental command can’t make someone do anything they would not naturally do, bromos claim a victory.

Time Manipulation
Cher wasn’t making things up when she sang If I could turn back time—she was yearning for the power that her bromo followers had. While we can’t actually turn back time (though the more powerful among us can), we can manipulate our mind into vibrating at a higher frequency so that we are essentially going 120 down an empty highway instead of staying on the same path as everyone else. With this ability, the bromo can eat lunch, read his favorite blog, do his homework, set up three back-to-back dates because he’s not at the commitment stage yet, call his mom to pick up his new Flamenco boots, and hook up with his friends for coffee all before time to go to the Lady Gaga concert and the Rihanna CD signing seemingly simultaneously.

The bromo can do all of this without the help of Adderall because he’s so used to having to multitask holding the camera while making sure the lighting reflects off of him well enough so that it looks like an authentic sex tape so that he can get on that new reality show. Also, he has a history of being around royalty (if he himself is not a queen) and can manage their schedules like nobody’s business. The bromo is a hot mess, but he looks good while doing it and he has 48 hours per day to get it right.

Confusion
The bromo’s final psychic power (listed here, that is) is the confusion blast. The bromo, through his slick talk and cunning, can create a bomb of confusion in the minds of anybody who thinks they know him. It can manifest as him being “the goth one” and then suddenly being all sunshine and dolphins and shit, stealing your boyfriend from right under you, and obtaining your parent’s approval to legally own you without you knowing where any of it came from. The bromo with a single glance can leave you dazed for days, grasping at the threads of reality and saying, “wait, what?”

It’s uncertain how it works. It’s uncertain what it is. It can be achieved through, conceivably, perfectly normal means, but it works in such a way that you have to wonder if it’s planned chaos. Or an unplanned strip of order. Confusion, indeed.

 

The bromo is indeed a powerful entity. And this was only just a sneak peek of the powers the bromo has. What other powers can you think of the bromo having?

Our Bromo Spider-Man?

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Hey bromos and friends!

We don’t usually do this, but this blog’s been here for about two months, so we guess ‘usually’ is relative, eh? Anyway, we wanted to introduce a new (possible) bromo on the block: Miles Morales!

 

Comic fans may be aware, in the Ultimate Marvel Universe, Spider-Man has died. Miles Morales has taken his place as the new Spidey. Now bromos are a lot of things, but superhero just might be something else we can add to the roster (not that there haven’t been gay male superheroes before). It isn’t written in stone yet, though:

Another surprise could be in the pipeline after his creators said that in the future they would not rule out making him gay.

What do you guys think? The Ultimate Universe in Marvel is basically a parallel universe that re-imagines the characters from the Marvel Universe and reinterprets their stories. Spider-Man was always a white guy, so a half-Black/half-Latino possibly gay interpretation would have people from all walks of life thinking: What would be different? Maybe more of a chance that he’d get a ticket for swinging-while-Black?

I haven’t picked up a comic in quite some time, but if he’s hot I may as well it might be cool to see what’s going on in the comic-sphere. You know, see if this new Spidey is a stickler for a story time with the brotrio, or if, like the old Spidey, he was into journalism. Maybe he’s a writer who’d be willing to write for us (if he doesn’t you still can!). Or maybe part of his power set, aside from web-slinging, includes advanced forms of power play. If this is the case, let us sit and learn from the master at work! If not, we still have the sexy-fine Mystique for that!

Read more about Miles Morales as the new (possibly gay) Spider-Man here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2021563/Marvel-Comics-reveal-new-Spider-Man-black-gay-future.html

Of Bromos and Boyfriends

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Bromos love boyfriends. When our amazing summer shorts go out of season, a boyfriend becomes the hottest accessory around. It’s great to have something someone hanging on your arm that isn’t a Fendi or a man-bag. And unlike your pet auxiliary, this one can talk.

We’re totally overdoing it on the dehumanization of the boyfriend, but bromos tend to be more about friendship and community—a real Aquarian concept, we think. But romance exists, and prickly thought it might be, it would be great to address it, right? Well here are some of the great things about boyfriends. And don’t worry, we’ll be posting the negs afterward!

Pros
They can teach you about yourself
You probably didn’t know you hated sleeping in the same bed with someone if you aren’t having sex until your boyfriend moved in. You also probably didn’t know that you enjoyed rock music, because you didn’t have someone to sit down and listen to it with you and not let you switch the station. Boyfriends tend to have a magical effect on the bromo; we’ll give disgusting deep-fried squid kalamari a chance if the boy we’re in like/love with suggested it. He might even open your eyes to international travel, or politics, or silly cartoons, and you’ll discover these things that might have otherwise gone unnoticed.

If you are loving, trusting and careful, you might also find techniques in lovemaking that make you the happiest camper you could possibly ever be.

Risk of STD is significantly reduced
One of the great things about a boyfriend is that when you hit the sack, it is likely that you both have had a few story times and you know each other’s relationship and sexual history and health status. That said, your risk of being infected is greatly reduced. Also, if either of you is positive, you can skip the point where either of you has to reveal your status (right before thebow-chika-wow-wow) and go right into using protection (which, we argue, you should be using anyway). Also, you know what he likes and what you like, so you’re pretty much probably going to have a great time.

Loneliness Averted
Sometimes—and I know you’ve felt it too—you have a king-sized bed and nobody to share it with. You lack the warmth that comes from a person’s body and you don’t have a cute little puppy to snuggle up with. Your breath shortens and you wonder why you feel so cold in your heart and if you’re doing something wrong… But then you turn the other way and your boyfriend is there. He’s your Prince Charming, bringing warmth to animate your frozen self; he’s your Harry Potter, shooing away the dementors with his eleven inch holly wand and manly stag Protronous; he’s your boyfriend, and you won’t sleep in the cold tonight.

Don’t judge us because we’re bitter and single. Judge us because we’re judging your relationship behind our smiles and averted glances. I would say just kidding, but… ;P

Cons
Baggage

Those boys can come with more baggage than a Louis Vuitton knockoff retailer when the sweatshop went into overproduction mode! They be all slaggy and mopey about their last relationships, never having dealt with them and bringing all of their problems to you, as if you’re Jay-Z. I mean, you may have 99 problems, but why does HE have to be one? Am I right, or am I right?

He already has those bags, so he had better have that something special, that super bass (what does that even MEAN, Nicki Minaj?!) so you can help him unpack, or you can send his ass right back onto Delta: Fendi, Louis, Prada and all. I prefer my men with a decently-sized duffel, anyway.

Jealousy
Now there is no need for this one. If the dude can’t stand that you are making more money, getting ahead in a way that he isn’t, or has a special skill that he doesn’t and he can’t support you: You don’t need that. I’m usually all about giving people a chance until they step beyond the line (and then some), but this sort of attitude is poisonous. If you are with someone and he cannot support you and help you get better as you help him, then he is a dud. What’s worse is when he begins to resent you and sabotages you, or belittles you to make himself feel better.

That is an absolute no-no. Now, we don’t mean that he’s in a funk and you should dump him immediately because he’s pissy. We’re talking about the sort of state that lasts for long periods of time and it affects you negatively. If you go from being an outgoing, offbeat cutie to a solemn, second-guessing random, you best believe your brotrio will be there to help you pull a Lily Allen on that mofo!

 

 

 

 

Cheating
LMAO! I wish a motherfucker would!

So, while this is probably the perfect Valentine’s post in the start of autumn, we would just like to end on a light note. Boyfriends can be gravy (especially when he’s pouring gravy over you and… um, right), but they can also be bittersweet. And if they can get crazy, you have got to be ready to get the burn on a mofo; get that Nicki out of your system on him!

The Bromo Trio

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Read here for foundational knowledge: The Gay Pack

The Bromo Trio draws from the strongest shape in the world: The triangle. Every part is dedicated to the support of the other two. It’s no wonder that Bromo Trios are so popular these days!

The Bromo Trio is a little different from the pack. Whereas the Gay Pack is all about power, hierarchy and how to maintain it, the Bromo Trio is about support and making sure that each of its members is well-taken care of. Think about those three magic bitches from that one show that I never got into watching where they were all pretty useless without each other needed each other. Another thing that separates the Trio from the Pack is the fluidity of duties and roles. According to the situation or time of day, someone might take charge of group’s activities while another schedules and the other plays PR for why the Fabulous Few can’t make it to your bash this weekend. Here’s the basic breakdown of the Bro-trio.

The Spunky One [The Ditzy One]
Not similar to the HBIC in a Pack, the Spunky One might find himself making most of the trio’s decisions because he tends to throw caution to the wind when he does anything and the other two find themselves tagging along to avoid being caught in the whirlwind that Mister Spunk leaves behind. He’s not bossy, just persistent.

Tom: OMG! Let’s go to Chaparral tonight! They don’t have cover charge and it’s Reggaeton Night!
Seth: Tom-Tom; it’s Chaparral—it’s Reggaeton Night, like, EVERY night.
Tom: It’s not Raggaeton Night when it’s Ballroom Night, now is it? Come on! Let’s go! If we can go I promise I’ll just dance and I won’t meet anybody!
Ash: He’s lying, but let’s just go anyway. It’ll make a great Story Time later.

The Spunky One finds himself in the leader’s position because, quite frankly, he’s got the most random ideas and the others can’t resist having a little bit of fun getting a taste of the fantastic. He’s not the best at planning out the day for the utmost efficiency, but he will damn sure give you a great reputation for perkiness and an upbeat attitude if you let him play PR manager. Side not: The Spunky One should be accounted for at all times, lest he go home with some rand-o.

The Cool One [The Aloof One]
There’s usually one that won’t talk much. Now this might be a permanent position for one or it might be situational, but there’s one that will be rather aloof when the other two are talking about something. He doesn’t feel left out (unless it’s habitual, in which case it becomes neglect and ya’ll need to work that shit out) but he keeps his silence and figures out interesting quarks about the other two. He’s pretty logical and collected generally and won’t put up much resistance to whatever plans the other two are advocating loudly for. By the same token, he will expect to have enough leeway to make a choice that benefits him in return without a peep of opposition from the other two. Allow him this indulgence; it’s only fair.

As there are three people, it is assumed that there would be a case where two have a common interest and the third doesn’t share that, but the third has common interests with each of them that they do not share with the other. And that’s just how it is. The Cool One is usually the first to own up to something and dare you to challenge him..

When the Cool One is in the leader’s chair, you might find that there’s no need for someone to schedule/plan the events because he’s level-headed enough to do it himself (as opposed to the Spunky One, who definitely needs someone to organize stuff). As PR manager, he’ll give your Trio an aura of exclusivity, making everyone want to be with you or be you. And he works the room by making everybody walk to him rather than the other way around. The Cool One is a BOSS.

Though you might want to beware with this one. While he is very competent and capable, he is prone to not doing shit thanks to his inherent “whatever factor.” I swear I was going to get the tickets for cheap tonight… but then I was just like… whatever… An example (from Avatar Wikia): Mai was next seen where she had apparently been ordered to guard the Earth King’s pet bear, Bosco, but did not care enough about her assignment to attempt to stop Sokka, Toph, and the Earth King from retrieving the pet. She was so bored and restless from her duty that she let Toph, Sokka and The Earth King escape with the bear, stating, “Just take the bear” (read: “Do I look like somebody who gives a fuck hoot?”)


The Focused One [The Bitchy One/ The Normal One]
There’s always that one that is going to come off as a bitch or (not to normalize the bitch) the ‘normal’ one. Even if he isn’t a bitch, if the other two are sweet and cuddly, the Focused One becomes the de facto bitch. By the same token, however, he is also likely to be considered the least extreme between Mister Spunky and Mister Cool because he’d probably play it straight and be the heart that connects the heady Aloof and the hands-on Ditz.

The way the Focused One is defined is pretty situational with every Trio, as he is usually the difference between the Spunky One and the Cool One. He’s the most versatile as he has to keep up with them both at their different paces.

He’s great as a leader because he has both extremes on either hand to weigh the pros and cons of every idea and decision. And even if the Spunky One winds up making the most decisions, the Focused One usually has the foresight and leadership to make every entrance noticeable and every exit memorable. As the scheduler, he’s still probably going to be second behind the Cool One, but he can sustain interest in doing tasks whereas the Cool One has to deal with the “whatever factor” (the Cool One is most apt to disdaining most everything that can be disdained).

As the PR manager, he can get people to pay attention that otherwise wouldn’t. The Spunky One can easily channel the energy of everyone who is easily excitable, but can turn off those who are pretty chill. The Cool One can rub shoulders with other shoulder shruggers, but be seen as too uninteresting for the Ooh Shiny crowd. The Focused One can draw interest from the margins of both crowds and more than likely people who wouldn’t be swayed by anyone.

The Bromo trio is one part simple, one part solid, and one part sexy and it’s spread equally among each of the members. It isn’t rare to find that within the Trio, two might be tighter and the third either has a boyfriend on the side or is part of another group.  That’s just how the fortune cookie crumbles.

And if you’re wondering why this posts’ pics have been centered around Avatar: The Last Airbender, well bromos love it, so therefore, so do I The Legend of Korra is coming out soon and I’m totally stoked! My Trio and I will be in attendance of the premiering episode in November 2011! Totes can’t wait!

And don’t forget to ADD US ON FACEBOOK for more updates! Special guest writer soon! 🙂

Story Time

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Bromos are smarter than the average human being, but since there are so few of us, we can’t possibly have all the relevant information in the world. That’s why we network and gossip: AKA, Story Time.

A bromo will literally sit in the presence of an individual that he absolutely cannot stand for excessive amounts of time just to know what the T is. But that’s just regular gossip. Story Time is deeper and more primal than that. Story Time means that you and your bromos will schedule a lunch, a spa day, a gym day or even drop whatever you are doing at that moment to just talk. A typical Story Time text looks like this:

 Adam: Gurl! We need a Story Time!
Chris: I’m in the middle of an intervention with my friend Felix! I might never drink again after hearing his story!
Adam: Craig just broke up with George and G isn’t taking it too hot! … Plus, I have Chocovine!!
Chris: OMG, OMW! God will heal Felix in ways I can’t and I’ll learn from his mistakes! TTFN!

Yes. Bromos love exclamation marks. But moreover, ST is a time to learn how your bromos are changing and evolving. You can discover that Shawn is actually starting to lean toward moderate politics, and that Joey finds a moderate leaning anywhere hilarious since he’s all newly political and whatnot. This is where the inside jokes are formed, and the Had To Be There Moments. And NOBODY wants to miss a Had To Be There Moment.

Missing one means that every time a certain phrase is uttered, laughter and hilarity will ensue and you will have no part in it. Then you’ll be left having to laugh gently so that your bromos don’t pick up on the fact that you weren’t there and they know it as you try to keep up appearances of cohesion for the rest of the onlooking world. Because you know the world is totally watching your every move. And you do not want to look like chickenshit in the off-chance that the HBIC happens to glance your way.

And a bromo is nothing without his gurls. Lezzy or straight, gurls are also invited to story times, though they more often than not call their own since the bromo translates into gay BFFs in the language of the betch (there’s a surprising amount of overlap). Story time with the gurls freshens up our testosterone tolerance by depleting the amount of male we are constantly surrounded by so we don’t straight up get sick of them.

So the next time you hear there’s going to be a Story Time, be prepared to drop EVERYTHING. Your bromos need you, and if you’re a true bestie, you’ll be there. No pressure, though. Just prepare to be left out of the laugh circle.