Bromo Say Psychic?!

The best part about being a bromo is probably the psychic abilities. While the occasional ability to pass for straight shapshift or vent angrily breath fire does pop up frequently, it’s the psychic arsenal that finds itself the most prized power play. Among our psychic powers is mind reading, mind-to-mind communication, mental command, time manipulation, seduction, confusion, and the like. I mean, it’s not like we’re not scanning your whole history while we pretend to be on the phone with our besties.

Mind Reading
We know what you’re thinking before you acknowledge it, and while that dumb look crosses your face as you consider what it would be like to have your nasty way with us. The bromo doesn’t even have to try with some people, they just shout their thoughts outloud as if their brains had a little megaphone. When you think we’re just standing around all model-esq as a form of power play, in actuality, we are focusing all of our attention on diving into the depths of your past, figuring out what makes you tick, and then judging the best way to approach you—if you past our first tests.

By the same token, we’re also doing a risk analysis: Does the fact that you don’t make up your bed in the morning an indication that you are sloppy, or too ambitious to pay attention to the small things? And because mind reading won’t get us everywhere necessarily, we have to use our other psychic abilities.

Mind-to-Mind Communication
Everybody talks to themselves in their minds. It’s how we run over thoughts or choose courses of action. When the bromo engages in mind-to-mind, it’s for one of two things: low-down gossip, or sly infiltration. Basically, it’s a story time without having to go anywhere. Using this form of communication, bromos share answers during tests that are ridiculously unfair difficult, discuss the proper ass-to-waist ratio while sitting in the pews at the silent church, or cutting down some rude bitch who happens to have more authority than both bromos combined. It’s not necessary, but the natural inclination for the bromo is to make eye contact that the outsider knows is meaningful, but can’t decipher. Another bromo might be able to hack into the wavelength, but woe betide the poor non who lights aflame the ire of a bromo scorned in the presence of others.

As far as usage for infiltration, the bromo gets all up in your head. He’s the voice pretending to be yours when you aren’t sure if you should get yogurt or ice cream. You know for certain that you wanted ice ceram in the beginning, but the little insistence that you get yogurt that eats away at you until you’re in front of the fro-yo place is deafening. And it doesn’t let up. The bromo also uses this power to stop you from making a move you’ll regret. He’s your best friend’s ex! Don’t do it! Like the little angel on your shoulder, the bromo’s got your back—especially when it comes to whose back you should have.

Mental Command
This is a power that the bromo should really cultivate more instead of focusing on the moral ethics of it. If you’ve ever seen a group of potential gay bashers suddenly get a sense of morality and back off, or a bartender give an extra shot of rum to a bromos cocktail when he hasn’t even flirted with him yet, you’ve witnessed this power in play. It’s often not used to its full potential because the evil Order of the Status Quo knows that same-sex relationships and transgender identity rights would gain full acceptance if they don’t continue to use the media to oppress us. They do everything in their power to keep our self-confidence minimal. Not ironically, it is self-confidence that is necessary to make this particular power work. Coincidence? How are you going to control someone if you can’t even control yourself? You must own yourself!

In recent years, as our confidence grows and our community, so does our ability to come together and affirm each other, allowing our abilities to flourish. Do you think all of those senators and governors agreed to support our rights on their own? Nope. Our on-the-go forceful acceptance therapy delightful persuasion had to strike the right chords. There are some who are seemingly impervious to our abilities, but as we grow, so will our mental command powers and our rights.

But on the less political side, we have been able to use this wonderful gift to make certain lawmakers act on their natural urges in order to create scandals nationwide. Since mental command can’t make someone do anything they would not naturally do, bromos claim a victory.

Time Manipulation
Cher wasn’t making things up when she sang If I could turn back time—she was yearning for the power that her bromo followers had. While we can’t actually turn back time (though the more powerful among us can), we can manipulate our mind into vibrating at a higher frequency so that we are essentially going 120 down an empty highway instead of staying on the same path as everyone else. With this ability, the bromo can eat lunch, read his favorite blog, do his homework, set up three back-to-back dates because he’s not at the commitment stage yet, call his mom to pick up his new Flamenco boots, and hook up with his friends for coffee all before time to go to the Lady Gaga concert and the Rihanna CD signing seemingly simultaneously.

The bromo can do all of this without the help of Adderall because he’s so used to having to multitask holding the camera while making sure the lighting reflects off of him well enough so that it looks like an authentic sex tape so that he can get on that new reality show. Also, he has a history of being around royalty (if he himself is not a queen) and can manage their schedules like nobody’s business. The bromo is a hot mess, but he looks good while doing it and he has 48 hours per day to get it right.

Confusion
The bromo’s final psychic power (listed here, that is) is the confusion blast. The bromo, through his slick talk and cunning, can create a bomb of confusion in the minds of anybody who thinks they know him. It can manifest as him being “the goth one” and then suddenly being all sunshine and dolphins and shit, stealing your boyfriend from right under you, and obtaining your parent’s approval to legally own you without you knowing where any of it came from. The bromo with a single glance can leave you dazed for days, grasping at the threads of reality and saying, “wait, what?”

It’s uncertain how it works. It’s uncertain what it is. It can be achieved through, conceivably, perfectly normal means, but it works in such a way that you have to wonder if it’s planned chaos. Or an unplanned strip of order. Confusion, indeed.

 

The bromo is indeed a powerful entity. And this was only just a sneak peek of the powers the bromo has. What other powers can you think of the bromo having?

Our Bromo Spider-Man?

Hey bromos and friends!

We don’t usually do this, but this blog’s been here for about two months, so we guess ‘usually’ is relative, eh? Anyway, we wanted to introduce a new (possible) bromo on the block: Miles Morales!

 

Comic fans may be aware, in the Ultimate Marvel Universe, Spider-Man has died. Miles Morales has taken his place as the new Spidey. Now bromos are a lot of things, but superhero just might be something else we can add to the roster (not that there haven’t been gay male superheroes before). It isn’t written in stone yet, though:

Another surprise could be in the pipeline after his creators said that in the future they would not rule out making him gay.

What do you guys think? The Ultimate Universe in Marvel is basically a parallel universe that re-imagines the characters from the Marvel Universe and reinterprets their stories. Spider-Man was always a white guy, so a half-Black/half-Latino possibly gay interpretation would have people from all walks of life thinking: What would be different? Maybe more of a chance that he’d get a ticket for swinging-while-Black?

I haven’t picked up a comic in quite some time, but if he’s hot I may as well it might be cool to see what’s going on in the comic-sphere. You know, see if this new Spidey is a stickler for a story time with the brotrio, or if, like the old Spidey, he was into journalism. Maybe he’s a writer who’d be willing to write for us (if he doesn’t you still can!). Or maybe part of his power set, aside from web-slinging, includes advanced forms of power play. If this is the case, let us sit and learn from the master at work! If not, we still have the sexy-fine Mystique for that!

Read more about Miles Morales as the new (possibly gay) Spider-Man here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2021563/Marvel-Comics-reveal-new-Spider-Man-black-gay-future.html

Power Play

RuPaul

The bromo is a minority rare breed. Even within the gay community, his confidence and sense of self put him in a place where he is in the winner’s circle. Naturally, bitches be jealous of his boogie. Moreover, if the bromo is naturally insecure and in a place where he is not free to be himself,  he must  be even more cunning to keep that ass in the clear.

That said, the bromo must have a few tricks up his sleeve—or the ability to leverage power in any situation. If the world were fair, the bromo would be like everyone else. But it’s not, and a bitch got to eat right? (But not too much; you wanna look good for Fashion Week next year!) The bromo, therefore, develops strategies for getting the edge on the competition. We’ll outline some of the various ways the bromo leverages power in every day situations.

Language
Bromos have mastered the runaround. While we can be blunt, years of being in the closet and describing our pretend lovers as “they” has taught us to craft language into a suitable form of defensive weaponry.

Straightboy Tom: So John, you have anyone special?
John: Yeah, they’re in school abroad.
Straightboy Tom: Cool; she must be really smart.

Take note of how Tom assumes that they translates into she. He’s not dumb—he’s just a part of a heteronormative order which is so confident in its self-sustainability that it does not question itself or those who subscribe to it. Yes; just by virtue of being gay in our society, you must fight all that.

Also, our ability to code-switch, or change our manner of speech for our environment, gives us an added layer of meaning when we are around mixed company.

Bromo John: Gurl! Did you even know about Beyonce’s baby?!
Bromo Dylan: Honey! I thought she was getting a little fat!
Bromo John: Oh shit! Straightboy Tom is coming!
Bromo Dylan: Yeah, so I totally banged that girl—I mean bitch!
Bromo John: Yeah! Me too! It was so, uh, good!
Straightboy Tom: Awesome!
Bromo Dylan: Okay, gurl. He’s gone. So anyway, I hope little Beybey doesn’t look like Jay-Z.

And finally, our humor. Since we hate our sinful selves can laugh self-depreciatingly at ourselves, it’s not odd to hear two or more bromos trading insults. It’s like an oral workout with none of the cleanup. As bad and as brutal as we can be to each other, we can be worse toward you.

Basically, the bromo distorts what others think about him not by lying outright, but by allowing people to think what it is they really want to think. It’s a flattering service, really.

The sexy Fauzi Rassull: Singapore's ONLY Male Bitch

The False Idol
We can be Jezebel whores of Babylon at times, leading men to destruction. “Don’t put any idol before Me,” said God, in one of his Ten Commandments. Well bromos certainly tempt men by sitting like statuesque deities as they sit upright with arched backs and eyes that stare off purposefully into the distance. Take our word for it: You can see it at any of those stand-and-be-seen type bars. Bromos literally move as if they can be photographed at any minute and they will not be seen looking like a hot mess. But it’s really a power play: It scares away the meek men and only the bromos with confidence in their swag dare to approach. It also dares the trepid men to bromo-up and take the challenge.

The Test of Fire
A bromo won’t use this particular power strategy unless you are his worst enemy. It’s like being put beneath a magnifying glass with the sun being intensified on you and there’s nowhere to run. You and the bromo are at a party and you’re all standing, sipping your Pinot Grigio and as Tony tells a story nobody cares about in his mousy voice, the bromo interrupts: Josh! How are your herpes? And did your hemorrhoids clear up? Something private goes public. The only way to get past this is to own it and move on. Your only shot is to appeal for sympathy by painting the bromo as a bad guy. Just bite the bullet and cry.

Worse, however, is when the bromo says something indirect and meaningless: It’s OK, Josh. We all know about your little problem. We just want to help. This one is worse because it’s abstract, and the bromo uses his superior mental abilities to make the unaware regular people create their own little problem with Josh. And because they all want to help poor Josh, they all get whatever it is they think Josh needs. And because all the focus is on Josh, the bromo that started it all is seen as a saint for wanting to help Josh. That shit right there? That’s leverage.

So in the end, bromos and power play go hand in hand. The bitch within the bromo is strong. One must know the bromo to beat the bromo. Do not mistake the bromo for a weakling. If bars exist between a bromo and a non, it’s for the non’s protection. At any rate, with power plays, to win is to gain the bromo’s love and/or admiration. Or his eternal enmity.

Owning It

“Chimpanzees is hatin’ but I take it all in stride.” -Nicki Minaj, Till the World Ends (Remix)

 Bromos can be a hot mess. Believe it or not, humans: We are not ideal (even if we’re as close to idyllic as they come). That said, one thing that the bromo excels at is owning things.

We aren’t talking about having possession of something; we’re talking about taking responsibility. Everybody has flaws, and they like to hide them and disguise them. The bromo is the same way. But the bromo, often being the object of society’s scrutiny, might have a harder time than most due to the many eyes that are on them at any given moment. Take a picture; it’ll last longer.

That said, we bromos have discovered the perfect way to accommodate anyone who has anything negative to say: Own that shit!

H8r: OMG, you are so fat.
Bromo: That’s right. Now help a fat bitch out and get me some milk n’ cookies.

Play it up. If what the person says is true and you know it, take responsibility for it and set yourself free from personal purgatory. If you aren’t fooling anybody, stop trying to fool yourself.

Hell, even if what the person says isn’t true, it’s still a great way to get the burn on them in a stunning display of power play.

H8r: I f*cked your mom last night.
Bromo: I know; I left the door unlocked so you didn’t have to find the keys. Was it good?

The opposite of fault is not blame, it’s responsibility. The bromo carries himself in such a way that petty insults by non-bromos are irrelevent. Even other bromos can’t hold a candle to the bromo that takes a load without having to dish it back. (If that sentence meant anything other than what it sounded like, you’re a dirty sinner and we love you for it.)

We at Bromo Say What?! want to remind our readers that this site is primarily an exaggerated version of various gay male lifestyles in the hopes that we can somehow uplift teens and young adults’ spirits if they happen to be going through a rough time with regards to their sexualities. We know what it’s like to be repressed, afraid, apprehensive, and depressed because of what our friends and, more importantly, our families may think. We also know what it’s like to experience the joy that comes with acceptance and affirmation when you have the freedom to choose who you can surround yourself with. We know that it’s tough hearing “it gets better when you grow older.” That’s great, but what about now? You deserve to have a high quality of life no matter what your age is and what you identify as.

Other than that, there’s not much we can tell you in this read-by-everyone post. But we can say that here at Bromo Say What?!, you will always have a little home online with uplifting messages, satirical posts, and most of all, love. Not the hot and steamy stuff that we reserve for the bedroom, but the kind that will embrace you no matter what you look like, what you weigh, what you wear, what your ethnicity is, what your gender status is, who you love, who you vote for, and all that jazz.

In conclusion, we did not mean to get so randomly involved that way, but there you have it. We love you, we’re writing this for you, and we’re owning it. If you enjoy what you read, follow us on Facebook and Twitter and share us with your friends who need to hear what we have to say. Also, leave comments below! We enjoy love too!! We hope we’re putting smiles on your faces, so when you see your friends’ eyes light up, you’ll be glad you did. </mushy-stuff>.

Bored Phoning

As we all know, bromos don’t play boredom. Wherever we are, something fun needs to be happening or else we will look down our nose at everybody in the vicinity. But not all of us are so uptight. Some bromos will try to relieve their boredom by going and actively engaging others. And that’s their prerogative. But for the rest of us: We’re fabulous and fierce and we don’t initiate conversation unless there’s a goal we’re looking to obtain. Everything with the bromo is a powerplay. We are strategically-minded and will sacrifice an englightening conversation for bar-idol status. I can have a great conversation at the City Square when eyes are not all on me. But when we’re in the bar, if I’m bored, everybody will think it’s because I choose to be. Now whether this sentiment is echoed by other patrons or is a symptom of the bromo’s delusional mind, it doesn’t matter. The point remains: If we’re at the club or bar and we’re bored, you best believe the phones are coming out.

The cellphone is a bromo’s best friend when our lezzy besties are too busy playing fish market exchange with their significant others or when the bromos we came with are hooking up with local trade. There’s nobody in the pub that you find interesting, you don’t have the energy to fire up your star-spangled aura to become a god to the ignorant bar-goers, and the only gossip going on comes from the bartender, but you already knew that Linz-Lo was suing Pitbull. Besides, once it hits MTV, it’s already yesterday’s news. Enter your celly.

That is your real friend, betch. That nukka don’t never leave your side, except when you’re in the shower, and it’s still nearby in case you get a text from the bestie about plans for the night or because you’re playing your jams and the ipod dock was too much trouble to haul to the bathroom. The celly knows your texting habits and knows not to autocorrect “heeeeeeeey.” It also understands that when you type “gin”, you mean “fun”, and autocorrects your mistake (try it; it works!) The celly knows who your other friends are and it facilitates your conversation. It categorizes your best bromos by fierce level and makes sure your contact list for the evening does not include your boss or your professor.

But back to the reason the celly is great at the bar: You don’t have to even be doing anything, and it no longer looks like you’re out of place at the bar. Just have it haphazardly in your limp-wristed hand and facing you, and you transform from a bored betch to a busy bromo. Nobody knows what you’re doing. Maybe you’re playing Angry Birds. Maybe you’re texting your trick. Maybe you have a boy back home. It doesn’t matter, because now you’re mysterious. Now you’re a challenge, because if a boy wants you, he’ll have to break your attention from your phone. You’re an prized idol now.

The bromo in the Club

This is the kind of display I would pretend to text during. Yawn, betch.

When a bromo is bored in the club, that celly is out. He may be swaying to the music, but his hips are lying. He isn’t into you. He’s telling the Twitterverse that the DJ in Club Mask has no fucking idea what he’s doing. He’s replying to his bromo’s facebook message, explaining how he wishes he were anywhere else. He’s Grinding and wondering why the dude who’s located five feet away looks so fugly compared to his profile pic. He’s playing Angry Birds.

And the bromo will continue tweeting, FBing, Grinding, and Angry Birding until Superbass, Run the World (Girls), Edge of Glory, or some techno-variation of Firework comes booming through the speakers. At that moment, when he is no longer board, the phone goes away and the bromo does his thing. And guess what: It probably doesn’t include you.

Bromo and the Bar
We went over this earlier. The bored bromo in the bar uses the celly more for appearances than boredom relief. More than anything, it provides a cover for the bromo to scope the area without being seen to look. It’s like a one-way smokescreen: Even if other people are taking in the area, you are categorized as someone who isn’t paying attention, and so you see the gazers gazing you. That’s some philosophical shit, but that’s how the bromo does his thing. You better be keep up or speak up. But don’t say shit cos we don’t want to hear it.

As we say all the time, the bromo lifestyle has everything to do with power and its manipulation. Observation is a form of that power. You have the ultimate edge if you can see and be seen without being seen to see. If you don’t understand that, you have work to do. So while you are on your phone in the bar and a hottie moves in, you pay him little mind for a few seconds and then slowly gain more interest in what he has to say. If you want him to sweep you away right then and there, put the phone away and talk to that dude. If you want to keep him at a distance because you aren’t sure what you want or what he’s after, keep the phone up and don’t ever let him see that the screen is on the home one because you were too bored to even start up Angry Birds. You’re a bromo, so you’re creative and highly intelligent and we can’t even begin to cover all the possible powerplays in any given situation. Just know that your celly is the way to unboredom and a fantastic night.

Conclusion
Now we understand that not all bromos are into the bar and club scene. And not all bromos aspire to be mannequin-esq beauty queens whose only bodily movements include fucking and moving their arms from the bartop to their mouths with or without a dick drink in hand. That is great for them. But this is for the more focused bromo: The one whose Friday nights need some TLC because Jimmy Choo knows the assistant they hired is completely incompetent. That said, revere the celly. It is like a bestie you don’t have to worry about ditching when things start to heat up. Just check to make sure that when you laid your game down before splitting the bar, you didn’t lay your phone down.